Is the corrupter to blame if someone is corruptible? Who is at fault? Should the blame fall to the weak minded individual who allowed themselves to be corrupted, or to the villain who took full advantage of the situation? Is there even such a thing as a victim, or should weakness be categorized as a crime?
Of course as with all things, this can most certainly not be the truth in all situations. For to be absolute is to be extreme, to be zealous. And a zealot, weather noble or otherwise, is a force that can rarely be contained.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
A Post?
Let's see. I'm sitting at work, which should mean that I'm working. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately?, this is not the case. I'm really only here because I've pissed away all of my vacation time by sleeping and being utterly useless. But I don't regret my decision to be a waste of space, it was delightful, and I plan on continuing the pattern into the new year.
What else. I'm waiting on two movies to come from amazon, Mansfield Park, and The Happiest Millionaire. I'm quite excited about both of them, although perhaps more excited about the Austen film. It has inspired me to re-read the novel, and I find myself thinking and speaking a bit Austenian, not intentionally of course, but so it goes.
Mom's coming to visit (almost typed mum, strange) New Year's Eve through the weekend. Not sure what to expect. I'm sure it'll be fine. I've been trying to come up with cheap and entertaining things to do. The Newly opened American History Museum is on the list, and perhaps the Native American Museum and the Air and Space Museum. Mom hasn't done the Smithsonian thing, and I haven't seen much more for that matter, so it should be somewhat entertaining. Also planning a visit to Arlington Cemetery, and maybe a trip into Arlington, VA. I've never been, but I've heard it's quaint.
I feel like there was something else I was going to say. Something maybe important, but probably not. This is a rather pathetic post. I was hoping for something better, something deeper. But once again it's seems to be about movies and books. The story of my life, or rather the stories of what my life should be? Depressing, and I'll go no further for fear of disheartening my many readers.
Ok, that's all I suppose. I hope you had a happy merry christmas and all that jazz.
What else. I'm waiting on two movies to come from amazon, Mansfield Park, and The Happiest Millionaire. I'm quite excited about both of them, although perhaps more excited about the Austen film. It has inspired me to re-read the novel, and I find myself thinking and speaking a bit Austenian, not intentionally of course, but so it goes.
Mom's coming to visit (almost typed mum, strange) New Year's Eve through the weekend. Not sure what to expect. I'm sure it'll be fine. I've been trying to come up with cheap and entertaining things to do. The Newly opened American History Museum is on the list, and perhaps the Native American Museum and the Air and Space Museum. Mom hasn't done the Smithsonian thing, and I haven't seen much more for that matter, so it should be somewhat entertaining. Also planning a visit to Arlington Cemetery, and maybe a trip into Arlington, VA. I've never been, but I've heard it's quaint.
I feel like there was something else I was going to say. Something maybe important, but probably not. This is a rather pathetic post. I was hoping for something better, something deeper. But once again it's seems to be about movies and books. The story of my life, or rather the stories of what my life should be? Depressing, and I'll go no further for fear of disheartening my many readers.
Ok, that's all I suppose. I hope you had a happy merry christmas and all that jazz.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Things of Coraline, and books, of course
i saw a trailer for Coraline on tv the other night. I was so excited I squealed and made everyone in the room be quite. The 11 year old I was babysitting was the only one in the room, or house. So he sat there quitely staring at me wondering if I'd gone mad. Perhaps I have. But I think I'm just mad for Coraline.
What else, let's see. I've read a lot of books recently, only one worth mentioning: SLAM, by Nick Hornby. I've been a Hornby fan for years, and SLAM was no exception. It's the story of Sam, the 16 year old narrator who gets his girlfriend pregnant and learns to deal with the consequences. It reminded me of Catcher in the Rye. That is of course if Holden Caulfield knocked up his girlfriend, and was obsessed with Tony Hawk. It is a terrific read, and I highly recommend it for teens, and adults, and anyone who is of the human persuasion.
Also in book news, my friend Danica just gave me my Christmas present. A Lion Among Men, Volume Three in the Wicked Years. I'm so freakin' excited. I've been wanting to read this since it came out in October, but I didn't want to pay for it. And now I don't have too! Hooray! Thanks Danica!
I was going to write about other things. But now I'm so excited about my new book that I just can't! Well that and I'm at work and should probably do some of that too!
What else, let's see. I've read a lot of books recently, only one worth mentioning: SLAM, by Nick Hornby. I've been a Hornby fan for years, and SLAM was no exception. It's the story of Sam, the 16 year old narrator who gets his girlfriend pregnant and learns to deal with the consequences. It reminded me of Catcher in the Rye. That is of course if Holden Caulfield knocked up his girlfriend, and was obsessed with Tony Hawk. It is a terrific read, and I highly recommend it for teens, and adults, and anyone who is of the human persuasion.
Also in book news, my friend Danica just gave me my Christmas present. A Lion Among Men, Volume Three in the Wicked Years. I'm so freakin' excited. I've been wanting to read this since it came out in October, but I didn't want to pay for it. And now I don't have too! Hooray! Thanks Danica!
I was going to write about other things. But now I'm so excited about my new book that I just can't! Well that and I'm at work and should probably do some of that too!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
If, by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
Ten points if you can tell me what else he wrote...without looking it up!
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
Ten points if you can tell me what else he wrote...without looking it up!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Seeker of Truth
I've sort of been thinking about getting a tattoo. I'm thinking about this one on the top of my foot with the dandelion seed wrapping around my ankle.
The phrase comes from an ee cummings poem, Seeker of Truth
seeker of truth
follow no path
all paths lead where
truth is here
what do you think?
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
A random assortment of thoughts
Well, it is November 5. The day after the election, as I'm sure you are well aware. Obama has been elected president...and there was much rejoicing...yay. Well much rejoicing from my little corner of cyberspace, but perhaps, not from the entire country. A little traipse through facebook status' proves this point. Although I have refrained from any political talk, so far, I will say a little about my disappointment with most of the religious right. Perhaps most eludes to more than is really the problem; some of the religious right. In particular those who are so fearful of an Obama lead country that they forget that God is well aware of our tiny little country and our tiny little politics. He's prepared for Obama. Trust that his will is better than ours. Stop acting like you have giant a gherkin thrust up your backside. The more you segregate yourself from the leadership of our country, the more you divide our country. Don't blame the president if we can't be united. Blame yourself for not looking past differences and working together as a body. Moving on...
My story for NaNo WriMo is coming along...slowly. Perhaps way too slowly. At this point I'm approximately 6000 words behind schedule. I don't have anything to do tonight, so I'm hoping to catch up. Although I'm not really sure what's going to happen so Susan, so I'm finding it difficult to write.
In honor of NaNo WriMo, and in an effort to keep myself from being too distracted, I've decided not to read any books this month. This is a big step for me. I generally average 2-6 books a month. For the past two years. Going cold turkey might be a bit extreme, but so far it seems to be OK. I guess I'll have to see what kind of state I'm in at the end of the month. Maybe I can break my addiction to books, and return it to the hobby state. That would probably be a good thing.
I think I'm going to make it home for Thanksgiving this year. It would be the first time I've been home in almost a year. And the first thanksgiving with my family in two years...three years? I'm not sure. But it's been awhile. It would be good. Hopefully plane tickets will keep dropping, or at least stay the same until I get paid on Friday.
In other news, according to my mom, gas prices have dropped to an astonishing $1.98 in Northwest Ohio. How amazing!
California voters turned down a constitutional amendment to allow gay marriage. I'm not sure I should type how this makes me feel, but I hope someday we'll all be allowed to make our own choices, and our own mistakes. Gays and pregnant women included.
Ok, I said I wasn't going to talk politics, I guess I haven't done so well adhering to that claim. Maybe in the next post.
I just wrote 518 words in like 5 minutes. Why can't I do that with my NaNo? I'd be caught up in like an hour.
Ok, last piece of random information. I've discovered another new musician. Meaghan Smith. She sounds a lot like Nora Jones, except she has this amazing music video. Watch. Listen. Enjoy.
My story for NaNo WriMo is coming along...slowly. Perhaps way too slowly. At this point I'm approximately 6000 words behind schedule. I don't have anything to do tonight, so I'm hoping to catch up. Although I'm not really sure what's going to happen so Susan, so I'm finding it difficult to write.
In honor of NaNo WriMo, and in an effort to keep myself from being too distracted, I've decided not to read any books this month. This is a big step for me. I generally average 2-6 books a month. For the past two years. Going cold turkey might be a bit extreme, but so far it seems to be OK. I guess I'll have to see what kind of state I'm in at the end of the month. Maybe I can break my addiction to books, and return it to the hobby state. That would probably be a good thing.
I think I'm going to make it home for Thanksgiving this year. It would be the first time I've been home in almost a year. And the first thanksgiving with my family in two years...three years? I'm not sure. But it's been awhile. It would be good. Hopefully plane tickets will keep dropping, or at least stay the same until I get paid on Friday.
In other news, according to my mom, gas prices have dropped to an astonishing $1.98 in Northwest Ohio. How amazing!
California voters turned down a constitutional amendment to allow gay marriage. I'm not sure I should type how this makes me feel, but I hope someday we'll all be allowed to make our own choices, and our own mistakes. Gays and pregnant women included.
Ok, I said I wasn't going to talk politics, I guess I haven't done so well adhering to that claim. Maybe in the next post.
I just wrote 518 words in like 5 minutes. Why can't I do that with my NaNo? I'd be caught up in like an hour.
Ok, last piece of random information. I've discovered another new musician. Meaghan Smith. She sounds a lot like Nora Jones, except she has this amazing music video. Watch. Listen. Enjoy.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Untitled
Susan looked down into a puddle that was quickly forming in the steady rain. She saw a reflection of herself. Her nut brown hair; her nut brown eyes; her nut brown freckles sprayed across her button nose. Everything seemed so, ordinary, So boring. She thought. Something’s just stay the same, but why do I have to be one of them?
She sniffed, and wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve and looked in the puddle one more time. There she sat. Sad, and lonely, looking sour as a lemon. But then, quick as a flash she winked. Or rather her reflection winked. Susan froze unable to tear her eyes from the doppelganger staring up at her from the watery mirror. There it was again! Definitely a wink! But that couldn’t be possible, Susan hadn’t winked. And then the most extra-ordinary thing happened, her reflection grinned, tilted her head and beckoned Susan to follow her.
“What? Do you want me to follow you?” she asked the puddle, her voice cracking with uncertainty. Her reflection grinned from ear to ear and nodded her head. “But…how?” The reflection smiled at Susan, and then lifted her hand and pointed one slender finger at her. Susan stretched out a finger gingerly touching its tip to the surface of the puddle.
If Susan had been paying close attention, perhaps she would have seen the reflections eyes twitch, just slightly, barely noticeable. If her mother had been there she would have noticed the twitch, she always noticed when Susan twitched; and the twitch always meant the same thing. It meant that Susan was up to no good. But her mother wasn’t in the alley, and Susan wasn’t paying attention the reflections eyes.
Her finger grazed the surface of the silvery water, just for a moment. Just long enough to tell that the water wasn’t water at all. It was something much thicker, much colder, and much more frightening. And with a whoosh, and a splash, Susan was gone.
She sniffed, and wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve and looked in the puddle one more time. There she sat. Sad, and lonely, looking sour as a lemon. But then, quick as a flash she winked. Or rather her reflection winked. Susan froze unable to tear her eyes from the doppelganger staring up at her from the watery mirror. There it was again! Definitely a wink! But that couldn’t be possible, Susan hadn’t winked. And then the most extra-ordinary thing happened, her reflection grinned, tilted her head and beckoned Susan to follow her.
“What? Do you want me to follow you?” she asked the puddle, her voice cracking with uncertainty. Her reflection grinned from ear to ear and nodded her head. “But…how?” The reflection smiled at Susan, and then lifted her hand and pointed one slender finger at her. Susan stretched out a finger gingerly touching its tip to the surface of the puddle.
If Susan had been paying close attention, perhaps she would have seen the reflections eyes twitch, just slightly, barely noticeable. If her mother had been there she would have noticed the twitch, she always noticed when Susan twitched; and the twitch always meant the same thing. It meant that Susan was up to no good. But her mother wasn’t in the alley, and Susan wasn’t paying attention the reflections eyes.
Her finger grazed the surface of the silvery water, just for a moment. Just long enough to tell that the water wasn’t water at all. It was something much thicker, much colder, and much more frightening. And with a whoosh, and a splash, Susan was gone.
Friday, October 31, 2008
NaNo WriMo
"Art for art's sake does wonderful things to you. It makes you laugh. It makes you cry. It makes you want to take naps and go places wearing funny pants. Doing something just for the hell of it is a wonderful antidote to all the chores and "must-dos" of daily life. Writing a novel in a month is both exhilarating and stupid, and we would all do well to invite a little more spontaneous stupidity into our lives."
Well, I'm going to do it. I'm participating in NaNo Wrimo for the very first time. Wish me luck!
Well, I'm going to do it. I'm participating in NaNo Wrimo for the very first time. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Music of Chance
"Nashe understood that he was no longer behaving like himself. he could hear the words coming out of his mouth, but even as he spoke them, he felt they were expressing someone else's thoughs, as if he were no more than an actor performing on the stage of some imaginary theater, repeating lines that had been written for him in advance." ~Paul Auster
Thursday, October 16, 2008
The Thomas Baker Band
I've had this song, Moonshine, stuck in my head for two days. I randomly discoverd The Thomas Baker Band while looking for a Brett Dennen song on You Tube. TBB seems to be an indie band from South Carolina, perhaps struggling to take off, perhaps not expecting to do this professionally, or will perhaps be the next Jack Johnson. I suppose only time will tell.
The video cuts off just before the end of the song, but you get the idea...
The video cuts off just before the end of the song, but you get the idea...
Monday, October 13, 2008
The Big Read
top 100 books
I found this on a friend's blog.
Something called "The Big Read" compiles a list of the top 100 books (i don't know what that means though...biggest sellers? classics? most popular of the classics? books someone randomly decided everyone "should" read? There's a few on there I question, and some that seem to be missing).
Ok, so I stole the entire previous paragraph as well. Why reinvent the wheel? So they say that the average adult has read 6 of the top 100 books. I've read 42. Yea for not having an active social life. And for being a giant nerd.
The bolded books I've read.
The italicized one's I intend to read.
The underlined ones, I love.
1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible (i've never read the WHOLE thing though. maybe someday....)
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare (most of them)
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen (the last of her novels that I have yet to read. there are a few lesser known novellas, and letters, but they're hard to find. so i'll probably never actually read them)
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (one i've passe over for years, but the movie was glorious and i now have high hopes for the novel)
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden (it has been sitting on my book shelf for years. i've even started it a few times. one of these days...)
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (i'm pretty sure i actually finished this...at least i own it. but that's not saying much)
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley (i just bought this a few weeks ago, which means i'll read it in a year or so...)
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (i'm pretty sure that's sitting on a shelf somewhere too)
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73.The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (i've seen a few versions of the movie, and a sequal at some point too. does that count? no?...)
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce (a lot of it anyway...)
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (or some of them at least)
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
I found this on a friend's blog.
Something called "The Big Read" compiles a list of the top 100 books (i don't know what that means though...biggest sellers? classics? most popular of the classics? books someone randomly decided everyone "should" read? There's a few on there I question, and some that seem to be missing).
Ok, so I stole the entire previous paragraph as well. Why reinvent the wheel? So they say that the average adult has read 6 of the top 100 books. I've read 42. Yea for not having an active social life. And for being a giant nerd.
The bolded books I've read.
The italicized one's I intend to read.
The underlined ones, I love.
1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible (i've never read the WHOLE thing though. maybe someday....)
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare (most of them)
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen (the last of her novels that I have yet to read. there are a few lesser known novellas, and letters, but they're hard to find. so i'll probably never actually read them)
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (one i've passe over for years, but the movie was glorious and i now have high hopes for the novel)
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden (it has been sitting on my book shelf for years. i've even started it a few times. one of these days...)
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (i'm pretty sure i actually finished this...at least i own it. but that's not saying much)
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley (i just bought this a few weeks ago, which means i'll read it in a year or so...)
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (i'm pretty sure that's sitting on a shelf somewhere too)
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73.The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (i've seen a few versions of the movie, and a sequal at some point too. does that count? no?...)
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce (a lot of it anyway...)
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (or some of them at least)
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Ohio, Damien Juardo
Out from my window across from the city
I have what's considered a good view
Two blocks from the subway, three from the fountain
Where I walk to break in new shoes
She stands on the sidewalk just waving at taxis
Like horses in parades in passing
I ask where she's headed she tells me,
"Ohio, I've not seen my mother in ages
It's been a long time, a real long time."
Out from my window "How far is Ohio?"
She laughed and pointed out east
She said, "I grew up there with my dear mother
And I haven't seen her since thirteen.
You see, I was taken while she lay sleeping
By my father's hired man
We moved to city so far from my family
I haven't been back there since.
It's been a long time, a real long time."
Out from my window please hear me Ohio
Your daughter wants to come home
She longs to be with you to hug you to kiss you
To never leave her alone
And I've gotten know her to live with to love her
It's hard to see her leave
She belongs to her mother and the state of Ohio
I wish she belonged to me
See you sometime, see you sometime
I have what's considered a good view
Two blocks from the subway, three from the fountain
Where I walk to break in new shoes
She stands on the sidewalk just waving at taxis
Like horses in parades in passing
I ask where she's headed she tells me,
"Ohio, I've not seen my mother in ages
It's been a long time, a real long time."
Out from my window "How far is Ohio?"
She laughed and pointed out east
She said, "I grew up there with my dear mother
And I haven't seen her since thirteen.
You see, I was taken while she lay sleeping
By my father's hired man
We moved to city so far from my family
I haven't been back there since.
It's been a long time, a real long time."
Out from my window please hear me Ohio
Your daughter wants to come home
She longs to be with you to hug you to kiss you
To never leave her alone
And I've gotten know her to live with to love her
It's hard to see her leave
She belongs to her mother and the state of Ohio
I wish she belonged to me
See you sometime, see you sometime
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Nobody Knows Me At All
i'm digging the weepies right now.
digging. do people still say that? apparently, since i just did. but perhaps it's not meant to be used any more, in which case, i should stop singing it. singing it? saying it. i wonder if there is a way to embed just one song. like a youtube video. hmmm. perhaps on last.fm. i'm going to look into it, and if so i'll share some weepies with you.
ok, so i couldn't find just the song, so i've decided to settle for youtube. and the video i could find for the song i'm actually listening to, Citywide Rodeo, is set to a montage of baseball moments. dumb. actually all of the videos are fan-based, and they all suck. so instead of putting up a video based on song merit, i'm putting it up based on visual content. and this one sucks the least. actually i kind of like it. anyway, these are the weepies, and i like them.
so that's that.
i can't sleep again. that's not actually true. i did sleep. i just woke up. at the ungodly hour of 6 am. bollocks. i was hoping to sleep until i had to wake up. instead i slept until i woke up. that's annoying.
no major plans for the weekend. i'm going to watch some friends play football, and read in the park, and then ditch both to go to a flea market. sounds kind of fun. i haven't been to a flea market in, well probably years. but i'm not expecting to find much. this is silver spring we're talking about. probably just over priced crap that the richies didn't want lying around anymore. but maybe not. maybe there will be good finds. or good reads. i love finding books at flea markets. it's like a treasure hunt. a treasure hunt that you have to pay for. but none the less.
this is an incredibly disconnected, rambling post. i guess that's what you get from me at 6 in the morning. or rather 7:41. damn this morning has gone quickly. and yet nothing of real consequence has passed by my lips, or fingers for that matter.
i suppose i could talk about politics. but honestly i don't really give a damn. that's a lie. i do. just not right now.
or a book. but i talk about those all the time, and no one really cares anyway.
lately i've been wishing that i had conversations with people that could pick up on the book and movie references that i drop all the time. it would be rather uplifting to share thoughts on those sorts of things. instead when i do, i typically get a "what are you talking about?" or "what's that from". most recently that was followed up with "it's from that video i've been obsessed with for like the past month. i've told you about it. haven't i? i talk about it all the time." always reassuring and uplifting to know that the thoughts and passions that i share with others are actually given some amount of credence. it's a little depressing to think about it. i need new friends. or friends in general. friends that actually give a fuck about you and aren't so absorbed in their own god damn lives that they can't see you crumbling to bits right before their eyes.
oh well, so it goes.
digging. do people still say that? apparently, since i just did. but perhaps it's not meant to be used any more, in which case, i should stop singing it. singing it? saying it. i wonder if there is a way to embed just one song. like a youtube video. hmmm. perhaps on last.fm. i'm going to look into it, and if so i'll share some weepies with you.
ok, so i couldn't find just the song, so i've decided to settle for youtube. and the video i could find for the song i'm actually listening to, Citywide Rodeo, is set to a montage of baseball moments. dumb. actually all of the videos are fan-based, and they all suck. so instead of putting up a video based on song merit, i'm putting it up based on visual content. and this one sucks the least. actually i kind of like it. anyway, these are the weepies, and i like them.
so that's that.
i can't sleep again. that's not actually true. i did sleep. i just woke up. at the ungodly hour of 6 am. bollocks. i was hoping to sleep until i had to wake up. instead i slept until i woke up. that's annoying.
no major plans for the weekend. i'm going to watch some friends play football, and read in the park, and then ditch both to go to a flea market. sounds kind of fun. i haven't been to a flea market in, well probably years. but i'm not expecting to find much. this is silver spring we're talking about. probably just over priced crap that the richies didn't want lying around anymore. but maybe not. maybe there will be good finds. or good reads. i love finding books at flea markets. it's like a treasure hunt. a treasure hunt that you have to pay for. but none the less.
this is an incredibly disconnected, rambling post. i guess that's what you get from me at 6 in the morning. or rather 7:41. damn this morning has gone quickly. and yet nothing of real consequence has passed by my lips, or fingers for that matter.
i suppose i could talk about politics. but honestly i don't really give a damn. that's a lie. i do. just not right now.
or a book. but i talk about those all the time, and no one really cares anyway.
lately i've been wishing that i had conversations with people that could pick up on the book and movie references that i drop all the time. it would be rather uplifting to share thoughts on those sorts of things. instead when i do, i typically get a "what are you talking about?" or "what's that from". most recently that was followed up with "it's from that video i've been obsessed with for like the past month. i've told you about it. haven't i? i talk about it all the time." always reassuring and uplifting to know that the thoughts and passions that i share with others are actually given some amount of credence. it's a little depressing to think about it. i need new friends. or friends in general. friends that actually give a fuck about you and aren't so absorbed in their own god damn lives that they can't see you crumbling to bits right before their eyes.
oh well, so it goes.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus
From the mind of Terry Gilliam, (the man who brought us: Twelve Monkeys, The Brothers Grim, Monty Python hilarity including, but not limited to, Monty Python and the Holy Grial, The Life of Brian, Monty Python's Flying Circus.) Comes yet another glorius frolick into Fantasy. The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. Can I just say, this makes me want to piddle...but only a little.
Monday, October 06, 2008
A Short Love Story in Stop Motion
I haven't been able to sleep lately. Sometimes when I'm trying to fall asleep, sometimes late at night, sometimes early in the morning. Generally this results in me, dragging my blankets and pillows into the living room to watch a movie. Like when I was a kid, and I'd wait for the easter bunny. One year I actually saw the easter bunny. I swear to God. Actually I didn't see the easter bunny, but rather his shadow. I saw the Shadow of the easter bunny. I swear to God. I saw the shadow of his ears and his head on the wall behind the tv. On further reflection, and about twenty years to think about it, I think that there is a chance, a small chance but a chance none the less, that it may not have been the easter bunny, but the bunny ears perched atop our 1980's Emerson TV. But to a 6 year old it was the easter bunny. I swear to God, I saw the easter bunny.
So when i can't sleep, I generally drag my blankets into the living room with the hope of exhausting myself. Well this morning, when I woke up at 5 am, I decided to switch things up a bit. So I drug my computer out of the living room, and into my bedroom, and surfed the internet.
And what did I discover? This little gem.
A SHORT LOVE STORY IN STOP MOTION from Carlos Lascano on Vimeo.
So when i can't sleep, I generally drag my blankets into the living room with the hope of exhausting myself. Well this morning, when I woke up at 5 am, I decided to switch things up a bit. So I drug my computer out of the living room, and into my bedroom, and surfed the internet.
And what did I discover? This little gem.
A SHORT LOVE STORY IN STOP MOTION from Carlos Lascano on Vimeo.
Friday, October 03, 2008
The Silver Lining
The National Book Festival. A delightful little affair I'd been excited about for months, mainly because Neil Gaiman was there and I was dying to hear him speak. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, I completely missed the reading...and the signing...and the the bulk of the festival. Downtrodden and dejected, I'd accepted the fact that two months of excitement had fizzled. So I clung to the hope that the next First Lady will continue the tradition, and Neil Gaiman would grace the Metro region with his presence again. That was until yesterday.
For you see, yesterday I discovered that Gaiman's tour for his new book, The Graveyard Book, is broadcast online. And better yet, at each stop he's reading one chapter! Delightful! Chapters 1-3 are broadcast on his website, www.neilgaiman.com.
And better news still, his reading at the National Book Festival is available online too!
Although it's not the same as hearing it in person, it does somehow make up for the bitter disappointment.
For you see, yesterday I discovered that Gaiman's tour for his new book, The Graveyard Book, is broadcast online. And better yet, at each stop he's reading one chapter! Delightful! Chapters 1-3 are broadcast on his website, www.neilgaiman.com.
And better news still, his reading at the National Book Festival is available online too!
Although it's not the same as hearing it in person, it does somehow make up for the bitter disappointment.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
An Ode to the next generation
I've been rummaging through 7 cd's a coworker lent me. They were compiled by a camp kid. Can I just tell you, I'm throughly impressed with her taste in music! Stuff I didn't start listening to until I was in College. If this is anything to say about the youth of the next generation and their taste in music...there just might be hope!
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Wise words from Nathean, and incoherent ramblings from Jamie...
"sometimes the VERY best intentions get mixed up in our words and spoil the beauty"
It has happened once again. The web of "churchianaity" has been cast. Like a net thrown to gather all the fish; to gather the loners and slugbeds, and bring them together. To create community where one already exists. To perfect community through human means, with human intentions, and human desires.
By forcing that which we want onto others, are we attaining our goal? Can we create community and oneness with fellow believers through "orders" and commands? Or,were they right? Is it strictly a generational thing?
Perhaps the reason I feel so trapped by the church of today is because my generation is so hell-bent on having their freedom, that we can't be contained by the whims of another.
Or perhaps, they are too closed minded; unaware of the outcome of their words.
Perhaps if you stopped putting me in a box, I'd stop trying to escape.
It has happened once again. The web of "churchianaity" has been cast. Like a net thrown to gather all the fish; to gather the loners and slugbeds, and bring them together. To create community where one already exists. To perfect community through human means, with human intentions, and human desires.
By forcing that which we want onto others, are we attaining our goal? Can we create community and oneness with fellow believers through "orders" and commands? Or,were they right? Is it strictly a generational thing?
Perhaps the reason I feel so trapped by the church of today is because my generation is so hell-bent on having their freedom, that we can't be contained by the whims of another.
Or perhaps, they are too closed minded; unaware of the outcome of their words.
Perhaps if you stopped putting me in a box, I'd stop trying to escape.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Pressure
Pressure is building
behind my eyes.
I can feel it
seeking release.
Snaking it's tendrils
through my mind,
raking its fingers
across my soul.
Seeking
its release.
How, or when, or where?
Yet to be seen.
Forgive me.
behind my eyes.
I can feel it
seeking release.
Snaking it's tendrils
through my mind,
raking its fingers
across my soul.
Seeking
its release.
How, or when, or where?
Yet to be seen.
Forgive me.
Monday, September 15, 2008
The Pearl Diver ~Carl Sandburg
They call her a Pearl Diver...and laugh...
Because jewels not often fall into soup or salad.
She washes dishes, arms to elbows in greasy water in a big kitchen.
Outside 400 people are eating, and singers in low gowns are dancing among the tables.
Laughter and music break through the transoms and murmur death-whispers among the battering pans of the big kitchens.
She listens in the crashing tin and iron and porcelain and tries to pick out the fiddle love of the world coming through the transoms.
They call her a Pearl Diver...and laugh...
Because jewels not often fall into soup or salad.
She washes dishes, arms to elbows in greasy water in a big kitchen.
Outside 400 people are eating, and singers in low gowns are dancing among the tables.
Laughter and music break through the transoms and murmur death-whispers among the battering pans of the big kitchens.
She listens in the crashing tin and iron and porcelain and tries to pick out the fiddle love of the world coming through the transoms.
They call her a Pearl Diver...and laugh...
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Did you hear?
Neil Gaiman,
Chirstopher Paolini,
I'm so excited my head just might explode. Oh how I love living in the DC metro area!
Chirstopher Paolini,
I'm so excited my head just might explode. Oh how I love living in the DC metro area!
Monday, August 18, 2008
I Believe...
“I can believe that things are true and I can believe things that aren’t true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they’re true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen – I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone’s ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we’ll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind’s destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it’s aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there’s a cat in a box somewhere who’s alive and dead at the same time (although if they don’t ever open the box to feed it it’ll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn’t even know that I’m alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of casual chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn’t done it properly. I believe that anyone claims to know what’s going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, a baby’s right to live, that while all human life is sacred there’s nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”
Neil Gaiman, American Gods
Neil Gaiman, American Gods
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Automaton
Lately I've been thinking about automaton's. They are really quite beautiful. Intricate pieces of machinery woven together; and when in working order, create a being nearly completely self-sufficient. Di Vinci, in 1495, sketched his plans for an automaton that, when built, moved its arms, turned its head, and could sit up all on its own. In 1739 Jacques de Vaucanson built a duck that could eat a grain of wheat, and then defecate. Voltaire is quoted as saying without the duck, there would be nothing to remind you of the glory of France. Automatons have only become more complex and developed. There are robots to sweep and mop your floors; disarm bombs; build cars. It's amazing how much time, energy and expense we are willing to put into these machines.
But are we devoting too much time to these pursuits? Are we becoming a society that is so desirous of the perfect being, that we are willing to loose the relational aspect that makes us human?
I think it can be seen in the things that we have, the stuff that we use. Our iPods, our computers, even our phones. We can check the weather, a baseball score, or who has been kicked off American idol, all with out leaving the comfort of our homes, or our heads for that matter. Perhaps we are inadvertently creating a generation of human automatons through our technological advances; by providing ourselves with technology that allows us to function with little to no assistance from others.
At times I feel a bit like a machine. I'm constantly being fed a stack of information, expected to process and file, and start again; all this with little to no human interaction, just me and my old think pad. But is this how it should be? I don't think God created us in the image of the Defecating Duck. As a matter of fact, I know he didn't. He created us to be in his image; a piece of him.
I'm currently reading Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. I just finished the chapter entitled Naked. In it, Miller talks about the beginning. About how God created Adam, and had him name all the animals. And the whole time Adam kept looking for a helpmate, but he couldn't find one. And he was lonely. So after he was finished naming the animals, God put him to sleep, and created Eve. Moses sums up this information in two chapters, but Miller speculates that it probably took nearly a hundred years. Adam and Even were over 100 when they had children. This would mean, that for nearly 100 years, Adam searched the planet looking for someone else. Looking for his helpmate. Now, Adam was the first man. The first perfect man. Created in God's image. His DNA and soul, at this point, hadn't been mucked up by sin. So the man that we see wondering the garden with God, and searching for another, is in fact the most concentrated version of God that a human has ever been, (well aside from Jesus). He was what we were to be. And he had a desire, a need for someone else. If Adam was lonely, and needed someone to help him, to help complete him, then why should we expect to be different?
It is a shame that we are striving to live in a self-automated society. We should throw technology to the side, even if only for an hour, and embrace the need for others. I'd much rather be an image of God, then of a defecating duck.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Rock and a hard place.
Today is the end of Session 2. For some reason, in my head, it is the end of session 3. I keep saying it. I almost typed it. I don't know why I think it is the end of sess 3, but I do. Maybe I just want it to be.
I had a minor mental break down the other night. Now I'm left to ponder. I had a really great talk with Lisa last night that left me thinking even more. I feel like I need to schedule a meeting to discuss some of those thoughts. But the implications are a little to big right now, and I don't think I want or could deal with them. I'm not really sure what to do. Something should be done, but I fear that there is only one end result of a conversation like that. And I'm not ready.
All of this is stressing me out, and yesterday i almost had a visceral reaction. That would have been moui unfortuante. The nausia has passed, but now I just have heart burn, and what feels like the start of a could be panic attack. But mainly I'm just full of shit, and I need to suck it up and get over it.
It was my decision; My word. I knew what I was signing up for. I said I would stay, and I will show integrity, and I will stay. Maybe I hsould just find some way to compensate in the off-season. And fine something positive in the summer. I'm finding that hard to do.
I got caught up on two questions yesterday. 1) What do you love about your job? 2) What do you dislike about your job? I couldn't come up with an answer for number one. Not a single thing about the actuall position. Sure there are things about the company, the vision, the people that I enjoy. But those aren't my job. They have virtually nothing to do with my job. So as far as my actuall job is concerned....what do I love?....do I even like my positions?...I could probably come up with some answer about setting up the opportunity for counselors to make an impact in campers lives. But that is really crap. I guess I like some of the analytical thinking that goes along with it. But the answers to number 2 far out way that.
So what do I do?
I had a minor mental break down the other night. Now I'm left to ponder. I had a really great talk with Lisa last night that left me thinking even more. I feel like I need to schedule a meeting to discuss some of those thoughts. But the implications are a little to big right now, and I don't think I want or could deal with them. I'm not really sure what to do. Something should be done, but I fear that there is only one end result of a conversation like that. And I'm not ready.
All of this is stressing me out, and yesterday i almost had a visceral reaction. That would have been moui unfortuante. The nausia has passed, but now I just have heart burn, and what feels like the start of a could be panic attack. But mainly I'm just full of shit, and I need to suck it up and get over it.
It was my decision; My word. I knew what I was signing up for. I said I would stay, and I will show integrity, and I will stay. Maybe I hsould just find some way to compensate in the off-season. And fine something positive in the summer. I'm finding that hard to do.
I got caught up on two questions yesterday. 1) What do you love about your job? 2) What do you dislike about your job? I couldn't come up with an answer for number one. Not a single thing about the actuall position. Sure there are things about the company, the vision, the people that I enjoy. But those aren't my job. They have virtually nothing to do with my job. So as far as my actuall job is concerned....what do I love?....do I even like my positions?...I could probably come up with some answer about setting up the opportunity for counselors to make an impact in campers lives. But that is really crap. I guess I like some of the analytical thinking that goes along with it. But the answers to number 2 far out way that.
So what do I do?
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
a long day.
the kind that could end in tears.
the kind that leaves me questioning. questioning everything. my strengths, my skills, my passion.
the kind that leaves me desperate and searching.
searching for what?
searching for god knows what.
i stumbled upon a few websites today.
the kind that make my mind whirl faster, and my heart beat harder.
the kind that shows me a glimpse of what i could be, who i could be, who i want to be.
but i've committed myself.
to one more year at least.
i said i would, and so i will.
but i'm not sure how.
the kind that could end in tears.
the kind that leaves me questioning. questioning everything. my strengths, my skills, my passion.
the kind that leaves me desperate and searching.
searching for what?
searching for god knows what.
i stumbled upon a few websites today.
the kind that make my mind whirl faster, and my heart beat harder.
the kind that shows me a glimpse of what i could be, who i could be, who i want to be.
but i've committed myself.
to one more year at least.
i said i would, and so i will.
but i'm not sure how.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Here's Your Card!
I had a phone call at work today. It went a little something like this:
Janet:Hi Jamie, this is Janet. I'm putting together the church directory. You listed your work number as your primary contact. Are you sure this is the number you want to use? You don't want to use a home number?
Jamie:No, this number is the best way to get ahold of me.
Janet:...Ok...What is Jamie short for?
Jamie:........Jamie.....It's not short for anything.
Janet: Oh?... So....Jamie...is your REAL name?
Jamie:...Yea....
Janet:Hi Jamie, this is Janet. I'm putting together the church directory. You listed your work number as your primary contact. Are you sure this is the number you want to use? You don't want to use a home number?
Jamie:No, this number is the best way to get ahold of me.
Janet:...Ok...What is Jamie short for?
Jamie:........Jamie.....It's not short for anything.
Janet: Oh?... So....Jamie...is your REAL name?
Jamie:...Yea....
Friday, June 27, 2008
A little drabble
‘Tell me about my mother.’
‘What do you want to know?’
‘Everything.’ She said looking up at him.
Her father reached down and scooped her up, into his arms. 'Your mother' he said, 'was like a moon beam. Full of light that could pierce the blackest night. She floated when she walked. Walking on air like she was made of star dust. Her hair was silver, and rippled when she laughed.' he sighed, a a far away look coming over him. 'Her eyes; her eyes sparkled like emeralds.’
Violet closed her eyes and pictured a beautiful beam of light fluttering through the darkness; taking the form of her mother, a smile tugging at her lips.
‘And she loved me?’, she asked looking at him once again.
‘More than anything. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I’d find her standing in your room, just watching you sleep. “I just had to see her”, she would say. “I want my dreams to be filled with wonderful things, and what is more wonderful than my Violet?”
‘Do you miss her?’ she asked, her voice cracking just a little.
‘Always. But not as much when I’m with you.’ He said, kissing the top of her head.
Violet smiled to herself and snuggled deeper into her father's chest.
‘What do you want to know?’
‘Everything.’ She said looking up at him.
Her father reached down and scooped her up, into his arms. 'Your mother' he said, 'was like a moon beam. Full of light that could pierce the blackest night. She floated when she walked. Walking on air like she was made of star dust. Her hair was silver, and rippled when she laughed.' he sighed, a a far away look coming over him. 'Her eyes; her eyes sparkled like emeralds.’
Violet closed her eyes and pictured a beautiful beam of light fluttering through the darkness; taking the form of her mother, a smile tugging at her lips.
‘And she loved me?’, she asked looking at him once again.
‘More than anything. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I’d find her standing in your room, just watching you sleep. “I just had to see her”, she would say. “I want my dreams to be filled with wonderful things, and what is more wonderful than my Violet?”
‘Do you miss her?’ she asked, her voice cracking just a little.
‘Always. But not as much when I’m with you.’ He said, kissing the top of her head.
Violet smiled to herself and snuggled deeper into her father's chest.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Say What?
I just had a rather interesting dinner with Mike, Lisa, and Hooker Dan. Here were the highlights of the conversation...
:Mike's unfortunate hair cut, and the incident with the leach.
:Mike and Hooker Dan's explanation of female emotions.
:Lisa attempting to fling balls of paper at Mike and missing horribly.
:Hootchie MaCootchie.
:Not sitting in the dungeon.
And that is all.
:Mike's unfortunate hair cut, and the incident with the leach.
:Mike and Hooker Dan's explanation of female emotions.
:Lisa attempting to fling balls of paper at Mike and missing horribly.
:Hootchie MaCootchie.
:Not sitting in the dungeon.
And that is all.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Kathy's Song
I'm at work. I suppose that means I should be working. Unfortunately my mind is drifting. Ironically I'm listening to Simon & Garfunkel's song Kathy's Song. They just sang,
My mind's distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day
Although my mind isn't lying with anyone, or kissing them when they start their day. It is many miles away. Millions of miles away from Silver Spring, Maryland. It's traipsing up and down the internet, searching every nook and cranny for something. I'm not sure what it's searching for, but I have discovered a few interesting things.
First, Augusten Burroughs has a new book out. A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir. It takes place before Running With Scissors, and documents his relationship with his father. I've been feeling it out on Goodreads. It's in a different light then any of his other works. Much darker, pushing you to the brink time and time again. One reviewer even said "Gone are the sharp one-liners, the exaggerated portraits and the wacky antics. In their place is a chilling and terrifying depiction of a soulless sociopath who can barely contain a murderous rage toward his youngest son and mentally unstable wife. It’s more Stephen King than David Sedaris." It's received mixed reviews; I might ditch work early to go buy a copy.
Second. David Sedaris also has a new book out. This isn't exactly new information. I discovered that a few weeks ago when I wondered into Borders at 9:00 at night after locking my self out of my apartment. It's called When you are Engulfed in Flames. This makes me so excited that I just might poo in my pants. I very nearly bought it on said trip to Borders; but I found Diana Wynne Jones new book House of Many Ways. Of course I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that on the shelf. Nestled safely between the Dalemark Quartet and Howl's Moving Castle. (As expected, it was not the greatest book ever written, but made for a delightful Saturday none the less). So as I was saying, my mind has been wondering down the veins of the internet and stumbled across a When you are Engulfed in Flames give away. So of course I entered. Thus far 100 people have entered for a chance to win 1 of 5 copies. And bonus, if I win, I'd also get a copy of...well I can't remember, but Two for the price of none! Can't beat that!.
The third thing I discovered is the following piece of information. I found it on a Xanga, and they apparently nabbed it from a book. So I'm going to share it here.
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following.
There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both North and South America
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be nonwhite
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be from the United States
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death
1 would be near birth (ready to deliver)
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
"When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for both acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent."Philip M Harter, MD, FACEP Stanford University, School of Medicine
My mind has grasped the significance of these statistics, but my heart is still coping with the ramification and the need. Actually, I hope it doesn't cope. Because that would mean that it has accepted these injustices, and I don't ever want to accept that. I'd rather my heart got off it's fat ass, moved out of the richest County in the nation, and did something meaningful.
Stephen Grellet said
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore that I can do or any kindness i can show to any fellow human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it for I shall not pass this way again."
But how, what and where?
My mind's distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day
Although my mind isn't lying with anyone, or kissing them when they start their day. It is many miles away. Millions of miles away from Silver Spring, Maryland. It's traipsing up and down the internet, searching every nook and cranny for something. I'm not sure what it's searching for, but I have discovered a few interesting things.
First, Augusten Burroughs has a new book out. A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir. It takes place before Running With Scissors, and documents his relationship with his father. I've been feeling it out on Goodreads. It's in a different light then any of his other works. Much darker, pushing you to the brink time and time again. One reviewer even said "Gone are the sharp one-liners, the exaggerated portraits and the wacky antics. In their place is a chilling and terrifying depiction of a soulless sociopath who can barely contain a murderous rage toward his youngest son and mentally unstable wife. It’s more Stephen King than David Sedaris." It's received mixed reviews; I might ditch work early to go buy a copy.
Second. David Sedaris also has a new book out. This isn't exactly new information. I discovered that a few weeks ago when I wondered into Borders at 9:00 at night after locking my self out of my apartment. It's called When you are Engulfed in Flames. This makes me so excited that I just might poo in my pants. I very nearly bought it on said trip to Borders; but I found Diana Wynne Jones new book House of Many Ways. Of course I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that on the shelf. Nestled safely between the Dalemark Quartet and Howl's Moving Castle. (As expected, it was not the greatest book ever written, but made for a delightful Saturday none the less). So as I was saying, my mind has been wondering down the veins of the internet and stumbled across a When you are Engulfed in Flames give away. So of course I entered. Thus far 100 people have entered for a chance to win 1 of 5 copies. And bonus, if I win, I'd also get a copy of...well I can't remember, but Two for the price of none! Can't beat that!.
The third thing I discovered is the following piece of information. I found it on a Xanga, and they apparently nabbed it from a book. So I'm going to share it here.
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following.
There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both North and South America
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be nonwhite
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be from the United States
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death
1 would be near birth (ready to deliver)
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
"When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for both acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent."Philip M Harter, MD, FACEP Stanford University, School of Medicine
My mind has grasped the significance of these statistics, but my heart is still coping with the ramification and the need. Actually, I hope it doesn't cope. Because that would mean that it has accepted these injustices, and I don't ever want to accept that. I'd rather my heart got off it's fat ass, moved out of the richest County in the nation, and did something meaningful.
Stephen Grellet said
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore that I can do or any kindness i can show to any fellow human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it for I shall not pass this way again."
But how, what and where?
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
My computer database for work has decided to run incredibly slow. I've decided to blog.
I've discovered some new artists in a variety of different medium. I think I'll talk about my most recent reads to begin with.
First, Paul Auster. He's an author who's been around for years, but I've just discovered him. I'm nearly finished with one of his more recent novels, Oracle Night. It's a story, about a guy (Sidney Orr), telling the story of when he was younger and wrote a story about a man who wrote a story. Did you follow that? Probably not. It's a little muddled in the book, but in a delightful sort of way. Full of characters questioning the existence of fate, strength of relationships, and human nature. But then again, I haven't finished it yet, so I could be wrong. This is an author whose novels I've ogled every time I've been to Daedalus. It took inner prodding, but I finally convinced myself to pick up a copy (not a tough sell believe me, I'm such a push over!). I've had the novel sitting on my book shelf for well over a month, and finally started to read it on Sunday. I was instantly hooked by his writing style, and on Monday I stopped by Daedalus again and picked up The Brooklyn Follies. Another of his novels. Actually the one that first caught my eye, but I just hadn't bought!
Daedalus is my new addiction. Obsession might be a bit closer to the feeling. I've had to convince myself I can only go there on a bi-weekly basis, and that I'm only allowed to buy a maximum of 2 books per visit. This is mainly because each time I walk in there I find oodles of books that I want, I buy them, and then they sit on my shelf for months as I slowly work my way through the dozens of unread books I already own. I once told myself that I wasn't allowed to purchase another book until I had read all of the books I currently own. I counted the books, estimated how long it would take to read each book, and when I would be finished with my task. I discovered that I wouldn't be able to buy a new book for eight months. I was so depressed that I went to straight to Daedalus and bought four more to cheer myself up. I'm hopeless.
Neil Gaiman is another author I have fallen hopelessly in love with. It's strange, I wouldn't peg myself to be the type that would fall into all that fantasy mumbo-jumbo. Hence the reason I didn't read a single Harry Potter book until I was trapped in uni-bomber hut for eight months. But what do you know! I'm a die hard fantasy fan. Well maybe not die hard, but it is most assuredly killing me softly.
As I was saying, I am hopelessly in love with Neil Gaiman. Thus far I've read Smoke and Mirrors, a collection of some of his short stories. All spooky, all fabulous. The kind of read that makes you look around and say "Hmm, what if...". I also read Neverwhere. An interesting story about the London Underworld. A realm of subways, sewer systems, and magic. Through a series of unforeseen events, mainly helping a homeless women who is bleeding in the street, the main character is excommunicated from his the life as he knows it, and is forced to seek refuge in the "Underworld". Its a very interesting satirical piece on the acceptance of the homeless in London. Not to mention the fact that it is just plain fun to investigate the underbelly of London from the comfort of Columbia, Maryland!
I've discovered some new artists in a variety of different medium. I think I'll talk about my most recent reads to begin with.
First, Paul Auster. He's an author who's been around for years, but I've just discovered him. I'm nearly finished with one of his more recent novels, Oracle Night. It's a story, about a guy (Sidney Orr), telling the story of when he was younger and wrote a story about a man who wrote a story. Did you follow that? Probably not. It's a little muddled in the book, but in a delightful sort of way. Full of characters questioning the existence of fate, strength of relationships, and human nature. But then again, I haven't finished it yet, so I could be wrong. This is an author whose novels I've ogled every time I've been to Daedalus. It took inner prodding, but I finally convinced myself to pick up a copy (not a tough sell believe me, I'm such a push over!). I've had the novel sitting on my book shelf for well over a month, and finally started to read it on Sunday. I was instantly hooked by his writing style, and on Monday I stopped by Daedalus again and picked up The Brooklyn Follies. Another of his novels. Actually the one that first caught my eye, but I just hadn't bought!
Daedalus is my new addiction. Obsession might be a bit closer to the feeling. I've had to convince myself I can only go there on a bi-weekly basis, and that I'm only allowed to buy a maximum of 2 books per visit. This is mainly because each time I walk in there I find oodles of books that I want, I buy them, and then they sit on my shelf for months as I slowly work my way through the dozens of unread books I already own. I once told myself that I wasn't allowed to purchase another book until I had read all of the books I currently own. I counted the books, estimated how long it would take to read each book, and when I would be finished with my task. I discovered that I wouldn't be able to buy a new book for eight months. I was so depressed that I went to straight to Daedalus and bought four more to cheer myself up. I'm hopeless.
Neil Gaiman is another author I have fallen hopelessly in love with. It's strange, I wouldn't peg myself to be the type that would fall into all that fantasy mumbo-jumbo. Hence the reason I didn't read a single Harry Potter book until I was trapped in uni-bomber hut for eight months. But what do you know! I'm a die hard fantasy fan. Well maybe not die hard, but it is most assuredly killing me softly.
As I was saying, I am hopelessly in love with Neil Gaiman. Thus far I've read Smoke and Mirrors, a collection of some of his short stories. All spooky, all fabulous. The kind of read that makes you look around and say "Hmm, what if...". I also read Neverwhere. An interesting story about the London Underworld. A realm of subways, sewer systems, and magic. Through a series of unforeseen events, mainly helping a homeless women who is bleeding in the street, the main character is excommunicated from his the life as he knows it, and is forced to seek refuge in the "Underworld". Its a very interesting satirical piece on the acceptance of the homeless in London. Not to mention the fact that it is just plain fun to investigate the underbelly of London from the comfort of Columbia, Maryland!
His children's book Coraline, is also set to make it's movie debut sometime this summer. It looks to be a rather exciting time for Gaiman fans. That is of course assuming the plot isn't butchered like that of Stardust: an awful movie, a lovely book.
I should get back to work now. I've been devoting more of my energy on this post, than on my work. Perhaps a continuation is in the future; perhaps not.
Friday, May 02, 2008
I'm fairly certain this is the longest day in the history of the world. I'm positive that scientists could prove the fact that instead of an hour being comprised of 60 minutes, it would be closer to 120. Maybe the world is on the brink of being sucked into a black hole, and as a result time has slowed down. That must be it, because there is no way that I still have three hours of work left. I've been incredibly productive today, aside from the last 15 minutes I've wasted surfing facebook and updating this blog.
And it's Friday. Friday and gorgeous! And all I can think about is leaving here and going to the book store. Even though I just went last week, and I haven't finished the books I bought then, let alone the ones I bought the last six times I went. This is becoming a bit of a compulsion, and i just can't seem to find the strength to resist. But they're so cheap! And I know i won't have time to go this summer, so I'm stocking up now. Which is stupid because I don't have the time to read now, and I don't know why I think I'll have the time to read when the summer finally gets into full swing. Perhaps it's just a pipe dream, but those are always the best.
We're celebrating Cinco De Mayo on Saturday. I realize it actually Tres de Mayo, but we don't have to work on Sunday, and that means I can have more than two Margaritas and that's what I really want.
I'm typing crap, and wasting time. Enough.
And it's Friday. Friday and gorgeous! And all I can think about is leaving here and going to the book store. Even though I just went last week, and I haven't finished the books I bought then, let alone the ones I bought the last six times I went. This is becoming a bit of a compulsion, and i just can't seem to find the strength to resist. But they're so cheap! And I know i won't have time to go this summer, so I'm stocking up now. Which is stupid because I don't have the time to read now, and I don't know why I think I'll have the time to read when the summer finally gets into full swing. Perhaps it's just a pipe dream, but those are always the best.
We're celebrating Cinco De Mayo on Saturday. I realize it actually Tres de Mayo, but we don't have to work on Sunday, and that means I can have more than two Margaritas and that's what I really want.
I'm typing crap, and wasting time. Enough.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
lamentations
I've been church hopping for, well the last few years. Partially because I keep moving, and partially because I find myself becoming incredibly disgruntled with the church of today. I can never seem to find one that "fits". I've started to think that perhaps I'm the one that doesn't fit. Or rather, that it is highly unlikely that I'm going to find the perfect church. So I've decided to pick up my search again, looking for the key elements in a church.
I'm not sure of what all those elements are. Certainly theology and doctrine; that is first and foremost. I think I'm also looking for a place with a certain style of worship. And some place that is warm and welcoming. A place where I can actually get involved and grow, rather than feeling stifled and like an outsider.
So this morning was the first of my quest for a church here in Columbia, MD. I discovered a church just a few miles away. It 's your typical contemporary non-denominational evangelical christian church. Full of non-conforming WASPS between the ages of 20 and 40. Looking for that church that isn't their parents church. I've been to them before, and regardless of location or demographic, they undeniable similarities. The choice of music, the service layout, I think even some of the people are exact clones. But this one seems to stand apart from the others.
For the first time in a while, it felt genuine; not like a rock concert. That was nice. And I enjoyed the sermon. The pastor is doing a series on the characteristics of Christ. Focusing each Sunday on a specific characteristic, and how we can embody it. Today he spoke on humility using the passage of Jesus washing the disciples feet as his primary biblical reference.
This is a popular topic in the christian realm. Particularly if you've come from a christian college, like me. The topic was familiar as were most of the bullet points. The reason why Jesus washed the feet. The significance of the action. The likely reaction of the disciples. How we should be willing to humble ourselves. But then he said something that I've never heard before. He said that in order to truly humble ourselves, we have to know who we are, where we came from and where we are going; of course this is in regards to your spiritual life.
This is a truly frightening concept for me. It brings to the surface all of the thoughts I've been struggling with for the past few months. I can see where I am, not that I necessarily like where I currently find myself in my spiritual life, but I think I can be honest enough with myself to say it out loud, although perhaps not in front of anyone. I'm sure I can see where I've come from. I can evaluate my past, and break it into specific moments, measurable instances. I can see where I've come from. But the most frightening is where I'm going. Because I don't know what to say.
Because I'm confused. I have a terrible habit of over analyzing everything. It's one thing when it is political candidate, or a book. But a whole other story when it is my belief system. My biggest fear is being ignorant. And so I've started to sort through my beliefs. Why do I believe in God. Should I believe in God. How can he possibly be real? How can I believe in some one that I've never met. That I've never seen. They lock you up for that kind of thing. They make movies about people who talk to and believe in people who are clearly not there. Hollywood has made millions upon millions of dollars on these diseases. Oprah and Dr Phil have aired hundreds of shows. The general American public sits in their living room and shakes their heads and says, "It's so sad. How could someone possibly believe in something that is clearly not there?" The pharmaceutical companies pump patients full of pills to normalize their brain chemistry. And yet millions of people believe in a god that we've never seen. I just don't under stand. They say that Faith is believing in what you cannot see. But this is what I can't grasp. How can I have faith in something I can't see?
I had a similar discussion with a co-worker. They said that you can't have faith in an object, only in a person. You don't have faith in that a chair will hold you up, but faith in the person that created the chair, to make it sturdy. But I don't. I have faith in the chair. I never think about the person. I don't care about the person. I've never met them, I've never seen them. But I've seen the chair, and I trust that it will hold me. If this is my definition of faith, then does that mean that I have no faith in the god that created this world because I've never met him? But I have faith in the world, because I've seen it move and I've seen it tick?
Ugh, I just don't know what to think. I end up talking myself in circles until I get so frustrated that I think perhaps I'll just be agnostic and worry about the consequences later. That is how I seem to run my life.
This is the most random thing, and it's depressing me just thinking about it. But maybe someone will read this and understand. Maybe they could give some input. Doubtful, but maybe.
I'm not sure of what all those elements are. Certainly theology and doctrine; that is first and foremost. I think I'm also looking for a place with a certain style of worship. And some place that is warm and welcoming. A place where I can actually get involved and grow, rather than feeling stifled and like an outsider.
So this morning was the first of my quest for a church here in Columbia, MD. I discovered a church just a few miles away. It 's your typical contemporary non-denominational evangelical christian church. Full of non-conforming WASPS between the ages of 20 and 40. Looking for that church that isn't their parents church. I've been to them before, and regardless of location or demographic, they undeniable similarities. The choice of music, the service layout, I think even some of the people are exact clones. But this one seems to stand apart from the others.
For the first time in a while, it felt genuine; not like a rock concert. That was nice. And I enjoyed the sermon. The pastor is doing a series on the characteristics of Christ. Focusing each Sunday on a specific characteristic, and how we can embody it. Today he spoke on humility using the passage of Jesus washing the disciples feet as his primary biblical reference.
This is a popular topic in the christian realm. Particularly if you've come from a christian college, like me. The topic was familiar as were most of the bullet points. The reason why Jesus washed the feet. The significance of the action. The likely reaction of the disciples. How we should be willing to humble ourselves. But then he said something that I've never heard before. He said that in order to truly humble ourselves, we have to know who we are, where we came from and where we are going; of course this is in regards to your spiritual life.
This is a truly frightening concept for me. It brings to the surface all of the thoughts I've been struggling with for the past few months. I can see where I am, not that I necessarily like where I currently find myself in my spiritual life, but I think I can be honest enough with myself to say it out loud, although perhaps not in front of anyone. I'm sure I can see where I've come from. I can evaluate my past, and break it into specific moments, measurable instances. I can see where I've come from. But the most frightening is where I'm going. Because I don't know what to say.
Because I'm confused. I have a terrible habit of over analyzing everything. It's one thing when it is political candidate, or a book. But a whole other story when it is my belief system. My biggest fear is being ignorant. And so I've started to sort through my beliefs. Why do I believe in God. Should I believe in God. How can he possibly be real? How can I believe in some one that I've never met. That I've never seen. They lock you up for that kind of thing. They make movies about people who talk to and believe in people who are clearly not there. Hollywood has made millions upon millions of dollars on these diseases. Oprah and Dr Phil have aired hundreds of shows. The general American public sits in their living room and shakes their heads and says, "It's so sad. How could someone possibly believe in something that is clearly not there?" The pharmaceutical companies pump patients full of pills to normalize their brain chemistry. And yet millions of people believe in a god that we've never seen. I just don't under stand. They say that Faith is believing in what you cannot see. But this is what I can't grasp. How can I have faith in something I can't see?
I had a similar discussion with a co-worker. They said that you can't have faith in an object, only in a person. You don't have faith in that a chair will hold you up, but faith in the person that created the chair, to make it sturdy. But I don't. I have faith in the chair. I never think about the person. I don't care about the person. I've never met them, I've never seen them. But I've seen the chair, and I trust that it will hold me. If this is my definition of faith, then does that mean that I have no faith in the god that created this world because I've never met him? But I have faith in the world, because I've seen it move and I've seen it tick?
Ugh, I just don't know what to think. I end up talking myself in circles until I get so frustrated that I think perhaps I'll just be agnostic and worry about the consequences later. That is how I seem to run my life.
This is the most random thing, and it's depressing me just thinking about it. But maybe someone will read this and understand. Maybe they could give some input. Doubtful, but maybe.
Monday, March 24, 2008
NIU Shooting
This was an email I sent to a friend in the beginning of February. She sent me an email, part of which said, "So I am really annoyed with the NIU shooting, when the Virginia Tech one happened it was like the world ended and now the same thing happened somewhere else and it doesn’t seem to be a big deal. I don’t understand!?!?" She was frustrated at the lack of interest at our work place here in Maryland. Here's how I responded. I realize this is random and probably doesn't make much sense, but I'm posting it anyway. Mainly because I don't want to loose it.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because VA Tech was the first of its kind. Maybe they’re finally going to stop glorifying school shootings in the Media, maybe people don’t know about it yet. VA Tech was a huge thing in Ohio too. I haven’t heard anyone say anything, then again I haven’t seen many people. The church shootings in Colorado weren’t nearly as big as I though they would have been either. Maybe as a society we are just becoming immune to this sort of violence, and we see it as a norm. Regardless of any of those reasons, it is a big deal, and effects thousands of people, and our social conscience should feel it to some sort.
Maybe this is a showing of our moral values spiraling out of control. Maybe soap box preachers are right and everything is coming to an end and it’s starting with the desensitization of our nation. This is an awfully depressing conversation but it’s something that we, and I say that in the group sense, should be wiling to talk about. We, being American citizens, human beings and most importantly Christians. It’s unfair to overlook the angst of fellow Christians, and even more so the lost. Christ never did. He made an effort to reach out to the lost, the woman at the well, the adulterous woman, Zacceous. Were called to live a life like Christ, so why don’t more Christians follow not only the teachings and doctrine of the bible, but the red letters. The words that Christ spoke. To not only uphold his teachings, but to imitate our very creator. If more Christians were able to do this, then we would be able to empathize with the poor and the broken. They would be able to reach more, touch more lives; and theoretically, if we could reach more, reach all, shootings like this wouldn’t happen, and we wouldn’t have to grieve, or be angry that at the lack of grief and civil responsibility.
The Christian nation should be broken over this, the nation should be broken over this; striving to not only answer the "whys", but to find a way stop things like this from ever happening. And since this doesn’t seem like it is going to be an option, then we won’t take responsibility to correct these wrongs. Maybe there is a new need. The need for people like you to put your concerns out there. To make others aware of their short comings, not in a judgmental way, but in a rebuking way. In the way we're called. To point out our faults so help us become who we are supposed to be. To help us pull the log from our own eyes, so we can help pull the logs out of others.
Perhaps this shooting wasn’t the fault of the gun man. Maybe it was much bigger than that, maybe the blame should be put on all of civilization, for failing to reach him. For failing to see his hurt, and his anger, and for failing to help and love. You’re right we should feel bad; we should beat our chests, cover our faces in ashes, and wear our hair shirts. We should feel, because I’m just as much to blame.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because VA Tech was the first of its kind. Maybe they’re finally going to stop glorifying school shootings in the Media, maybe people don’t know about it yet. VA Tech was a huge thing in Ohio too. I haven’t heard anyone say anything, then again I haven’t seen many people. The church shootings in Colorado weren’t nearly as big as I though they would have been either. Maybe as a society we are just becoming immune to this sort of violence, and we see it as a norm. Regardless of any of those reasons, it is a big deal, and effects thousands of people, and our social conscience should feel it to some sort.
Maybe this is a showing of our moral values spiraling out of control. Maybe soap box preachers are right and everything is coming to an end and it’s starting with the desensitization of our nation. This is an awfully depressing conversation but it’s something that we, and I say that in the group sense, should be wiling to talk about. We, being American citizens, human beings and most importantly Christians. It’s unfair to overlook the angst of fellow Christians, and even more so the lost. Christ never did. He made an effort to reach out to the lost, the woman at the well, the adulterous woman, Zacceous. Were called to live a life like Christ, so why don’t more Christians follow not only the teachings and doctrine of the bible, but the red letters. The words that Christ spoke. To not only uphold his teachings, but to imitate our very creator. If more Christians were able to do this, then we would be able to empathize with the poor and the broken. They would be able to reach more, touch more lives; and theoretically, if we could reach more, reach all, shootings like this wouldn’t happen, and we wouldn’t have to grieve, or be angry that at the lack of grief and civil responsibility.
The Christian nation should be broken over this, the nation should be broken over this; striving to not only answer the "whys", but to find a way stop things like this from ever happening. And since this doesn’t seem like it is going to be an option, then we won’t take responsibility to correct these wrongs. Maybe there is a new need. The need for people like you to put your concerns out there. To make others aware of their short comings, not in a judgmental way, but in a rebuking way. In the way we're called. To point out our faults so help us become who we are supposed to be. To help us pull the log from our own eyes, so we can help pull the logs out of others.
Perhaps this shooting wasn’t the fault of the gun man. Maybe it was much bigger than that, maybe the blame should be put on all of civilization, for failing to reach him. For failing to see his hurt, and his anger, and for failing to help and love. You’re right we should feel bad; we should beat our chests, cover our faces in ashes, and wear our hair shirts. We should feel, because I’m just as much to blame.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Goodness, it has been quite sometime since I've posted anything on this blog. I finally feel obligated to post something new. Unfortunately I have to leave for work in 5 minutes, and I'm no where close to being ready. So I suppose that the witty update will have to wait. Perhaps I'll try my hand at this at lunch time.
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