Rock and a hard place.

Today is the end of Session 2. For some reason, in my head, it is the end of session 3. I keep saying it. I almost typed it. I don't know why I think it is the end of sess 3, but I do. Maybe I just want it to be.

I had a minor mental break down the other night. Now I'm left to ponder. I had a really great talk with Lisa last night that left me thinking even more. I feel like I need to schedule a meeting to discuss some of those thoughts. But the implications are a little to big right now, and I don't think I want or could deal with them. I'm not really sure what to do. Something should be done, but I fear that there is only one end result of a conversation like that. And I'm not ready.

All of this is stressing me out, and yesterday i almost had a visceral reaction. That would have been moui unfortuante. The nausia has passed, but now I just have heart burn, and what feels like the start of a could be panic attack. But mainly I'm just full of shit, and I need to suck it up and get over it.

It was my decision; My word. I knew what I was signing up for. I said I would stay, and I will show integrity, and I will stay. Maybe I hsould just find some way to compensate in the off-season. And fine something positive in the summer. I'm finding that hard to do.

I got caught up on two questions yesterday. 1) What do you love about your job? 2) What do you dislike about your job? I couldn't come up with an answer for number one. Not a single thing about the actuall position. Sure there are things about the company, the vision, the people that I enjoy. But those aren't my job. They have virtually nothing to do with my job. So as far as my actuall job is concerned....what do I love?....do I even like my positions?...I could probably come up with some answer about setting up the opportunity for counselors to make an impact in campers lives. But that is really crap. I guess I like some of the analytical thinking that goes along with it. But the answers to number 2 far out way that.

So what do I do?

Here's Your Card!

I had a phone call at work today. It went a little something like this:

Janet:Hi Jamie, this is Janet. I'm putting together the church directory. You listed your work number as your primary contact. Are you sure this is the number you want to use? You don't want to use a home number?

Jamie:No, this number is the best way to get ahold of me.

Janet:...Ok...What is Jamie short for?

Jamie:........Jamie.....It's not short for anything.

Janet: Oh?... So....Jamie...is your REAL name?

Jamie:...Yea....

back from the dead

Tomorrow (july 21) will the be two month mark since the last time that i updated my blog. It is also the beginning of my third month here at Pleasant Vineyard. And what a summer it has been. Things are a little different than I thought that they would be when I came this summer. However, a good different, an exciting different. I accepted a position as program director here at good ole PVM, which means that I have a full time job. I'm really excited about what this next year will bring. A new place to live, new people to be around, and I have the sole responsibility to make the programs at this camp work. Maybe not the sole responsibility, but none the less. It's a little daunting, and I'll admit it, i'm scared out of my shorts. Feelings of doubt and insecurity are lingering just below the surface. I have big shoes to fill and an even bigger tradition to uphold. It's scary to think that I'm going to be part of a place that has made a difference in so many lives. It's intimidating to think about all of the successful programs that they have run. And as scary as all of this may seem

Tomorrow (august 14) will be just 6 days shy of a month from when i started this post. camp is officially over and we have moved on to guest group season. the time where my job consists of staffing and zip line and tower and cleaning and apparently counter strike. however it is still just week one of my new job and so i'm sure that i'll figure out what i'm actually supposed to be doing soon. or maybe not. the way things seem to work, i probably won't discover what i should be doing until two weeks before i move on.

i wish i had something exciting to post about. unfortunately i'm so removed from the world that i can't comment on any current events, because the events that i know aren't so current anymore. I've been watching the same five movies all summer so i don't feel like i critique a movie, with the lady in the water being the exception. but i just don't feel like doing so. nothing to complain about, or contemplate. no one new or any recent arguments. i'm listening to Mates of State right now. if you don't know who they are you should. except then they would become popular and lots of people would listen to them and i would no longer like them. like napoleon dynamite. or maybe i didn't like that movie because it sucked. none the less.

i'm really just typing this because i'm bored and i'm waiting for my laundry to dry. it's actually kind of late and i want to go to bed. i also want to get chinese carry out tomorrow, just so i can use my new chop sticks and set them on my new chop stick rests (39 cents at Jungle Jim's).

i'll be making a trip to indy on wednesday, and perhaps that will include a stop a shapiro's which, according to USA today, is one of the 10 best jewish deli's in the nation. if i eat there on wednesday i will have eaten at TWO of the best jewish deli's in the nation. the other being Zingerman's delicatessen in Ann Arbor, MI. and there is another on the list that is just outside of cleveland, and since my brother lives in cleveland, odd's of me eating there seem to be very high. and since i'll have eaten at 1/3 of the best jewish deli's in the nation, i think it only fair for me to make it a life goal to eat at all 10. that means that i'll need to take a trip to LA, NY, Baltimore, Portland, and Beverly Hills. i've been yearning for an adventure and perhaps this will suffice. i could back pack from New York to California and eat a only jewish deli's along the way. then i could critique each delicatessen and write a book entitled "Backpacking to Deli Paradise" which will document my experience from coast to coast and present an unbiased, real person point of view on jewish deli's as seen from a german/irish descendent of anglo saxon alcoholics. it would of course become a best seller which would instantly push me to fame and fortune. unfortunately as i've already stated, i do not like popular and famous people, and so i would not like myself. this would mean i would live a life of depression and self hatred which could only be remedied through suicide or by publishing the much anticipated sequel "Hitchhiking to Hell". my much debated highly critisized memoir documenting my escapade to Hell, MI. where along the way i meet individuals whom i share my highly educated opinions on politics, pornography, and pogo sticks. all topics in "Hitchhiking to Hell" will start with the letter "P", and i will confess to be the dread pirate Roberts. people will think i'm insane and if all goes according to plan, i will fall from public eye as someone that no one wants to associate with. However as we've seen with most, (physically or otherwise) challenged celebs, such as ray charles, stephen hawking and brittany spears, the vast populace of the world will rejoice in my amazing prowess despite my obvious mental challenges. which would throw me into an even greater realm of popularity, and i would hate myself even more. so perhaps it wouldn't be wise if i wrote a book. maybe if i just traveled, ate, and was marry.

banter. that is a funny word.
healthy banter.
cynical banter.
good banter.
banter.
hmm.