Million/Billion

the waves crash and pummel.
beat and bruise.
the current pulls and twists.
escape is impossible and inevitable.

Apparently Spring has sprung. I haven't noticed because I've been living a bit of a vamprical existence lately. Leaving for work before dawn, coming home after dark. Locking myself in the apartment all day every weekend attempting to recuperate from the drudgery of the work week. Sucking the life out of those who are bold enough to approach. Not much of a life at the moment, but I guess things will slow down a bit soon, and then I can enjoy the sunshine and company of others like a normal human. Well maybe not normal, I don't think that I'll every really be considered that.

Unfortunately, I have nothing to say; profound or otherwise. This is really a post of obligation because I fear Carla's wrath if I procrastinate any longer. I was hoping to return to the blogging world with wise words. The best I can do is to quote Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe: "To be pleased with ones limits is a wretched state.

Ponder that.

Louis CK on Conan O'Brien

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know,
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here,
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer,
To stop without a farmhouse near,
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

        -- Robert Frost

Silver Lining

Panic is rising.
I feel it in my soul.
Thundering through my chest
Racing through my brain.
Hammering in my stomach.
I twitch,
I squirm.
I want to retch,
to run.

And yet I'm stuck,
in discomfort.
plodding through quicksand.
sinking lower, never moving
I don't know
how much longer can my soul stay afloat.
Do I want to stay afloat.
The crashing waves are strong, and wouldn't it be great,
just to let them topple.
to push and pound
and let them win.

But what would that do?
What would be accomplished.
Nothing I suppose,
and maybe that's the point.
Or maybe the point is to recognize defeat, and move on

To a new place
a new terrain
Where the waves don't exist.
But then there will be wind.
Buffeting
Smashing
burning.

Does it begin again
Is that what life is
A constant stream of pain and frustration
anger and revolt

Or is it something more.
something unseen
the little beauties in life
the invisible kisses of a spring flower

but how is it found?
how can one find peace the storm?

i'm so confused.
distraught.
downtrodden.
it is too trite.

what's the point?
there has to be one.
there has to be a reason,
but what is it?

Down the river.

Ok, so I've got a meeting on Friday with my supervisor's supervisor, who is also the HR director. I told her that I wanted to "talk about my plans for this fall". Funny thing is I don't have any plans yet. I just felt like I needed to give myself a deadline, I guess that Deadline is Friday.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to say.

Probably something along the lines of:
1. As you are aware, I hate my job. Most days I'd rather have my nose eaten off by a pack of wolves then come in.
2. Because of this, I'm looking for a new job. Thought it would be nice to let you know.
3. No I haven't found anything yet, but I'm 97% sure that I want a new position.
4. I will let you know definitely by the end of April.
5. Yes, I know the Economy sucks. Yes, I know the unemployment rate is increasing. Yes, it does make me nervous. That's why I'm not quitting yet.
6. If I do quite, I will stay through the summer and the end of August. If the timing works out with the new job, I will stay to help set up some of the database, and train a new person. If not, well then I'm out and you suckas can learn to swim.
7. Yes, I know. Sometimes you have the right people on the wrong seats, but at least they are on the bus.
8. Yes. I suck at this job, and you don't want me to be here anymore anyway. I promise.

Of course I plan on saying this in a professional manner that will not include wolves or sarcasim or anything.

Ugh, I hate this crap. I think I'm getting an ulcer just thinking about it.

Hoppipolla

I love this song. It is featured on the Slumdog Millionaire and Penelope soundtracks. If I ever get married, I want to walk down the aisle to this one.

Funny TV moment of the night....

"George, I got the clap!"

Jamie thinks

that there is a very good chance that her head might explode. What the FUCK!

Kate Micucci

Saw her last night on Scrubs. Adorable.

Work is absolutely, 100% insane. I'm drowning in paper work. I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I wish I could say I was longing for the weekend, but that would be a lie. After Sunday comes Monday. Monday just means it starts all over again, and if I have to think about it I just might kill myself. I need a new job.

Wise, Yoda-ish words from The City of Ember

" There is more to a bottle cap then keeping liquid from leaking out of a glass. The main thing is, pay attention. Pay close attention to everything, everything you see. Notice what no one else notices and you'll know what no one else knows. What you get is what you get. What you do with what you get, that's more the point. Wouldn't you say?"

"I am a Collector", a drabble by J.E. Barrett

I have decided to become a collector. Lots of people are collectors and it is a perfectly respectable hobby. There are collectors of nut crackers, cuckoo clocks, porcelain cats, spoons, little buttons, big buttons, black buttons, square buttons, etc; and so it seems perfectly natural that I should join in this collecting frenzy.

Some would think that acquiring the collectible would be the most difficult and enjoyable aspect of the hobby, but would have to disagree. I find choosing what to collect to be the most difficult, frustrating, and euphoric endeavor to be undertaken. At no other point in the enterprise are you afforded the opportunity to survey the entire scope of the known world. You are given the opportunity to critically judge every object, vegetable, animal or mineral; being, past or present, under the most severe of terms .

That is why i have taken so many years trying to decide exactly what it is that i wish to collect. By allowing myself to remain as an untethered observer, i could be just that. As critical as i wished without feeling the least bit apprehensive of some sort of personal harm; because i was not, in anyway, attached to the object of my criticism. Although I have enjoyed my years in purgatory, i have finally decided on my collectible. I will be a collector of words.

A collector of words? One cannot collect words. You might say. "Ah, but yes they can!" I would reply. "For you see it is as easy as collecting stamps. Like stamps, words are everywhere. They permeate the very being of thing, whether tangible or otherwise. There is nothing more powerful, or readily available then words." At which point I am sure you would look at me like I was crazy. And perhaps I am. "But how can you collect words?" It seems that you will be a persistent arse on this topic. "Easy!" I will say. For it seems that I too will be an arse, and will continually defend my choice. "I will write them. I will record them. I will blog them. I will tattoo them. I will plant them and they will grow; I will be Johnny Wordseed. I will cross the land collecting the strongest, the brightest, the nicest, the harshest, the scariest, the darkest, the most asinine, the most laborious words ever spoken."

So I will be a collector. Well that, or maybe I will just eat dinner. Yes, that seems easier.

Full fledged obsession

Buttons

I know I've mentioned Coraline before, and I'm now probably bordering on obsession. Thanks to my RSS feed of Neil Gaiman's blog, I've discovered this little gem. Go to it, watch it. After all, who could be afraid of a button?

themoth.org

Have I mentioned my love for The Moth? No? Well, I'm in love with The Moth. "A moth?" you might ask. "How can you be in love with a moth? They're so flighty. And they eat ugly sweaters." To which I respond. "No my simple-minded friend. Not A moth, THE Moth."

themoth.org to be more specific. The Moth features real stories told by real people. Unscripted and without notes. They're also conveniently podcasted in the iTunes store. Go to them. Listen to the wise words. Laugh at the unbelievably true stories. Enjoy the freedom of the spoken word.

themoth.org.

Incase you were wondering, my favorite story is "Sleepwalk with Me" by Mike Birbiglia. You should listen to it when you want to laugh so hard that you cry. I do not recommend listening while operating heavy machinery. But driving a car is ok. You won't die. Unless you do. But then it will be ok, because it's funny. And even if you go to Hell, well, actually that would suck; but at least you went out happy.

Go themoth.org

Amitabh Bachchan "slams Slumdog"

It seems that the world is abuzz with Slumdog Millionaire, and not just because it won 3 Golden Globes. Media sources around the world claim that Amitabh Buchchan, a Bollywood Super Star, has "slammed" Slumdog, saying it portrays the "underbelly" of Indian society, and gives false impressions to the western world.

The BBC quotes Buchchan, saying "If SM (Slumdog Millionaire) projects India as [a] Third World dirty underbelly developing nation and causes pain and disgust among nationalists and patriots, let it be known that a murky underbelly exists and thrives even in the most developed nations. It's just that the SM idea authored by an Indian and conceived and cinematically put together by a Westerner, gets creative [Golden] Globe recognition. The other would perhaps not."

I do not agree with him. Yes Slumdog does portray a poor India, but also a wealthy. No movie shows every aspect of a culture. If you were to believe that a country is only what is shown in movies then everyone in India is constantly breaking out into song and dance; and Everyone in the US is either a Cowboy or is employed by the Mob. The movie doesn't change my image of India even though it may have shown it in a less than glamorous light. I think it is just as unfair to undervalue the poor and third-world-like conditions as it is to overvalue the splendor. Everyone deserves the right to be recognized regardless of their status. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. I think these are the words of a man who is afraid that the film will reflect negatively on him rather than his people and culture and should be given little credence.

************************************************************************************

Upon further investigation I feel compelled to amend my previous statement. It appears that Amitabh Bachchan has been taken out of context. Not only by the BBC, but by most of the Indian Media sources. I found his blog, and his most recent post states his frustration with how the media has latched onto his statement that was merely a rephrasing of a number of emails he has recently received. I didn't believe his claim at first, but upon reading the original blog, I feel that I am forced to agree. The original blog stated:

"The Salon du Cinema team meets me at the entrance to Paris-Nord station and after an exchange of greetings and flowers and video and stills, out into the wet and cold Paris streets, chased by a huge group of women, who scream and shout and clap, making you wonder what it is that I may have done to receive such an enthusiastic welcome in a country that hardly knows who I am. But, Fouad my driver and sincere personal guide during all my recent visits to the city [Paris], gathers me quickly into his car and drives off. They are migrants or asylum seekers from nearby or distant country and are begging he informs me. My ego brought into place I am saddened by their plight. Conditions the world over are so similar. Perceptions differ, but the reality of life and existence, unchanged.

On blog, comments for the film 'SlumDog Millionaire' and the anger by some on its contents, prompt me to say the above. If SM projects India as Third World dirty under belly developing nation and causes pain and disgust among nationalists and patriots, let it be known that a murky under belly exists and thrives even in the most developed nations. Its just that the SM idea authored by an Indian and conceived and cinematically put together by a Westerner, gets creative Globe recognition. The other would perhaps not."

I find his initial comment to be surprisingly similar to what I feel. The same conditions exist in all countries; and although he says that the same recognition might not be given on a global basis, I disagree. I think that the same plot could have been set in almost any country, portraying similar economic and social disadvantages, and it would have been hailed with the same accolades.

The story is a hybrid of the horrifying and heart lifting. The acting was superb, the cinematography just as great. The soundtrack was wonderful. This movies is, and should be credited for more than just the plot and culture.

Perhaps Bachchan, is just an overrated Bollywood star trying to keep a grasp on the fame he has gained over the years. I think it is more likely that he is just a poor celebrity caught in the propaganda produced by the Mass media with the hopes of profit. Poor guy. Makes me glad that I'm not a celeb.


*Most of this comes from recent emails with Sarahhh....I couldn't resist!

Here goes

This is my first official post from my brand new iTouch. I think I prefer the old fashion computer way, but this will work in a pinch. Besides, it's too freaking cool not to post from here!

Oh yea I know I said it was supposed to be here in a week but apple is amazing and it came in yesterday. The day after ordering it. Sweet!!!

My new iTouch!

It should be here in a week. I can't wait!

Rock & Roll

I have this song stuck in my head. It's been there since 6:45 am. At this rate I fear that it will be there for the rest of eternity. I just might be ok with that.

D.) It is written

I accidentally treated myself to a movie today, Slumdog Millionaire. A serendipitous moment to be sure. It was delightful. I laughed, I cried, I muffled a scream; well, if I hadn't been alone in a half-full theater that's what I would have done. Regardless, this movie was terrific. Perhaps the best movie I've seen in a while. Hands down better than 7 Pounds, which I watched last week but was left with so little of an impression that I couldn't even find the words to blog. Slumdog Millionaire on the other hand. Ugh! Fabulous. It's based on the book Q & A by Vikas Swarup, which I will be buying soon and reading with in the next decade or so, and I'm considering going to see it again. The only other movie I've seen more than once in a theater was Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and this blows Harry out of the water.

Here's the trailer, let it inspire you. Then go buy tickets, and come back here so we can talk about it. Please. Now! GO!!





*Edit* After doing a bit more research, I decided to buy Q&A. I'm anxiously awaiting it's arrival and will devour it instantly.

Another Day, Another Dollar

I'm currently laying in bed, eating toast with homemade apple butter, listening to Dave Brubeck, and thumbing my way through Mansfield Park. What could be better? Perhaps what I have planned for the rest of the day!

I'm taking Mom and Aunt Eileen (who was a surprise visitor this weekend, those cheeky Fast girls...), to the Smithsonian's and the Kennedy Center for one of their Free performances. I'm really quite excited. Haven't been to the KC before, so I'm really looking forward to it. It was really fun walking around town with them yesterday. They were both so excited to be there, and Eileen even teared up a few times. It's kind of nice to be able to make dreams come true. I just have to try to forget that I've seen these things a few million times already, and try to recapture the awe that they first invoked.

Ok, on to other things. Sarahhhh I watched Burn After Reading last night, I didn't seem to enjoy it as much as you. But I also watched it with my mom and aunt, so I think maybe next time I'll watch it with someone my own age, perhaps it will be better. I'm not holding my breath though.

So I'm working my way through Mansfield Park, as I've said a few times already, and I find myself wanting to discuss it with someone else. The themes in this book are great, and could lead to some really superb conversations, but alas, no one else is reading it. I think that is a sign that I need to join a book club, or find one online or something. Unless YOU want to read it! We could start our own cyber book club. It could be quite amazing, people from various places around the country coming together to discuss a common book. Sounds down right glorious to me.

Since this post was pure drivle (and not the good kind) I should end it with something of substanance. Like a poem, or proverbial phrase, or cleverly hidden book recommendation. So I'll leave you with the words of Frosty the Snowman,
"Happy Birthday!"