Joel 2:28

last night i had this weird sort of dream. it wasn't really a dream because i was still sort of awake. maybe it was a vision. i was a man and i was in jamaica sitting at a tall table at an outdoor cafe, with jason alexander. it was jason alexander, except he had hair. long hair, down to his shoulders, kind of frizzy and curly. i was talking with him and he was telling me where i could buy drugs. i don't know what kind of drug it was, but it was clear and came in a shot glass. it reminded me of glycerin. weird. i told my roommate about it shortly after i realized that i just had this crazy weird vision. she laughed and i'm sure she thinks that i'm crazy. today when i was watching tv, i saw a preview a christmas carol staring kelsey grammer and.....jason alexander. he plays marley, and was sporting some lovely shoulder length kind of frizzy curly hair. it rained all day today and i kind of liked it. my pants are wet.

kade's convo with my away message

kross: you said that you were napping
Auto response from jme:
Why oh, why oh, why oh, why did I ever leave Ohio..........oh yeah, to do lots of Homework in Indiana!!
kross: you said that you were napping
kross: now i see otherwise
kross: hmmmm
kross: liar
kross: in the old days i would point at you and say witch and they would burn you, be happy for i can't do that now, if i did that today people would point back and say man you be so crazy, that is some whack shit, or for sheezy my neezy or something i have't really mastered all this language stuff

I'll show you how to gleek.

I wonder if the way a relationship will turn out is predestined. If you can tell how things will be, by the way things first are. I wonder if I could know how my relationship with my older brother will be by looking at how it was when we were kids.

When I first came home from the hospital, Cory was my protector. He was my living shield from any would be kidnappers; anyone from well meaning priests to cheek-pinching-gift-giving relatives. I've been told about the time that Cory barricaded my bassinet with his three foot, 40 pound body and went into a near panic attack when my Uncle Joe came over. I wish I had a memory of that incident. I can just picture it.

Cory is standing in my parents bed room on his tip toes trying to peer over the edge of my bassinet. His pudgy three year old legs straining to be just one inch taller. Then off in the distance he hears it, my mother: "Oh! Sure, she's a wake. Come on you just have to see her, she looks just beautiful in that sleeper that you gave her", my mother trying to suck up to my aunt and uncle for the umpteenth time.

I can see Cory turning around and see mom come flouncing into the room with Joe on her heals and Teresa trailing behind carry 11 month old Nathan in her arms. To anyone over the age of three, it's just an annoying family visit. One that involves long boring talks, and cheek pinching. But to my new big brother, it is a troop of Nazi's storming the border with evil intentions. He must protect my honor, but he's three so what can he do? He can scream that's what he can do. And he does. He stands in front of the bassinet, and lets it rip. Hands clenched, face red, tears streaming down his face. Releasing a noise that can only be compared to the screech of a jungle beast. I wish I could have seen my mother's face. Utter shock, disappointment, and embarrassment. How could something that came from her body ever act like that?! Of course the sound would startle me awake, and because Cory was crying and I would be inevitably crying, Nathan would have to join in as well. Teresa would undoubtedly be disgusted that the wretches in the Barrett family had made her little baby cry, and they would leave; and in an unforeseen turn of events, Cory would be victorious.

However, in the years to come my protector would become my tormenter, and eventually my mentor. Years of "physical and psychological" unlike anything that a POW faced. But for just one day, for just one minute, Cory had been my hero.

I wonder if this is how we will be once again. Now that I have proved my loyalty by not hating him, and he has matured beyond the point of finding some sort of perverse pleasure in my pain. I wonder if now that we are adults, we will have the picture perfect relationship. Somehow I think not, but somehow I don't really want to. Picture perfect predictability is no fun. I'd much rather see who could withstand the longest Indian burn, or spit the farthest. I don't so much even mind a permanent bruise on my right shoulder. I wonder how my visit for thanksgiving will go. I hope it's like old times, only a little less painful.

Excerpt from "A Modest Proposal" by Johnathan Swift

"I have been assured by a very knowing american of my acquaintance in London, that the young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing and wholseome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or broiled".

one time a squirrel tried to steal my banana, don't worry i hit him in the face with a golf ball

tonight was a calm night. i like nights like that. i cleaned. there is just something about cleaning that i find so rejuvenating. hmm. carla's ......friend had a baby the other day. she named her adrieanna. i think that is an amazing name. i'm not really sure why i just typed that or why i'm thinking about that, but i am. hmmm... i got to talk to stitch and uno online tonight. that was good. haven't had a conversation with either of them in a week or so. my life is boring tonight. but it always is. oh well. i'm content. that's good. i'm excited about the future. that's really good. can't wait to graduate. can't wait to be at a camp. can't wait start my life. i feel like i type that a lot these days. but it's true. it is. hmm...well i guess that there is really nothing more that i want to talk about. hmm.. nope. but i thought that you should know that i said this in a conversation tonight: " because I'm evil and illegal and going to hell anyway.....so i might as well be really evil before i have to burn forever"......followed later on by....."i like to be evil and witty". interesting. well that's all ladies and gentlemen. let me just leave you with this last thought.....if a flock of sea gulls fly over head, don't look up to oogle them; they will poop in your eye.

foreign policy

kross: Yassar Arafat is dying
jmebarrett: i heard
kross: that is kinda sad
kross: in a foreign policy sense
jmebarrett: ok
jmebarrett: i don't really keep up on foreign policy
jmebarrett: which is kinda sad
jmebarrett: in a i'm-a -dumb-american-who-hoards-her-liberty-but-doesn't-really-give-a-crap sort of sense
kross: haha
kross: yah it is

sometimes i just need to listen to hard music really loud

i don't understand why people say what they do. it's good to know that if i'm ever seeking freedom of any kind, that i'm a sinful slut who is demon possessed and going to hell. good to know. i get so sick and tired of people copping out when they try to help others. i'm so tired of people standing in front of me, pointing out everything that is wrong, and not giving me an ounce of help. yeah that's a good plan. i'm just going to stand at the top of the well that the little baby fell into, and point out every wrong move he made that landed him there, but i'm not going to throw him a rope or call for help. no. he's at the bottom of that well, well golly he just needs to trust in jesus more! that will fix everything! oh and you have a good time rotting down there! see ya in hell! i'm so annoyed. it's good to know that i spend 23 thousand dollars a year to hear this kind of advice. i'm tired of christians being fake. i'm tired of sunday school answers and women of faith praise songs. i'm tired of it all. sometimes i just want to get away. to find it on my own. to take my time to see what is out there. oh wait, that's seeking freedom. no i will fail. that's right i forgot. i guess someone just needs to rebuke my demons, so i can watch the pigs fall off of the cliff. damn.

hair

i like it when my hair is wet.
it has this smooth, natural disheveled look.
i feel clean.
it reminds me of the thousands of laps that i have swam,
of raft wars in em's pond,
of mud fights in the lake,
of flipping canoes,
of fishing,
of the ditch club,
of hikes in the woods,
of walks in the rain,
of squirt gun fights,
of long bus rides,
of tardy slips and detention,
of lake weatherwood,
of mosquito bites and midnight swims,
of before.
i feel clean.
it has this smooth, natural disheveled look.
i like it when my hair is wet.

ample opportunity for personal improvement

i have rediscovered the joy of the public library! no where else in society can you find an organization that is so willing to trust a dumb college student. they willingly give you a card so that you can borrow their things! amazing. i think that i will be watching a lot more free movies. and reading free books. and listening to free cds. amazing.

for kade:

KROSS: i want to win the nobel prize
JME:ok
KROSS: would you like me better if i won a nobel prize?
JME: i suppose
JME: but only because with the prize would probably come lots of fame and money
JME: i could use some money
JME: so i would be friends with you for your money
KROSS: i have to decide what i am going to do
JME: you are going to develop an alternate fuel source for homes......like natural nature gas...aka farts...a fart powered home! everyone could afford that....and the need for beans would multiply exponentially
KROSS: ok see this what i was thinking for getting it. I call the CIA and say I know where osama is. they take me in, and i say show me a map of the world. i pick three
JME: sounds a little risky
KROSS: have you got anything better
JME: well maybe you could go to the CIA and tell them that North Korea actually has nuclear warheads, and that they should raid them.....and when they do and discover that there are warheads, and that they had a plan to use them to eradicate russia....more specifically betlanistan..... as a scare tactic. and that they had found a way to resurrect Hitler who they were going to force to be their leader. and that their plan was completely plausible.....then you would win the nobel peace prize, because you stopped it all from happening
KROSS: gotcha

The Reformation Polka

Only Protestants could & would commemorate Martin Luther to the tune of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"! AMAZING!


When I was just ein junger Mann I studied canon law;
While Erfurt was a challenge, it was just to please my Pa.
Then came the storm, the lightning struck, I called upon Saint Anne,
I shaved my head, I took my vows, an Augustinian! Oh...

Chorus:
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation
Speak your mind against them and face excommunication!
Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation!
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!

When Tetzel came near Wittenberg, St. Peter's profits soared,
I wrote a little notice for the All Saints' Bull'tin board:
"You cannot purchase merits, for we're justified by grace!
Here's 95 more reasons, Brother Tetzel, in your face!" Oh...

Chorus:
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation
Speak your mind against them and face excommunication!
Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation!
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!

They loved my tracts, adored my wit, all were exempleror;
The Pope, however, hauled me up before the Emperor.
"Are these your books? Do you recant?" King Charles did demand,
"I will not change my Diet, Sir, God help me here I stand!" Oh...

Chorus:
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation -
Speak your mind against them and face excommunication!
Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation!
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!

Duke Frederick took the Wise approach, responding to my words,
By knighting "George" as hostage in the Kingdom of the Birds.
Use Brother Martin's model if the languages you seek,
Stay locked inside a castle with your Hebrew and your Greek! Oh...

Chorus:
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation -
Speak your mind against them and face excommunication!
Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation!
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!

Let's raise our steins and Concord Books while gathered in this place,
And spread the word that 'catholic' is spelled with lower case;
The Word remains unfettered when the Spirit gets his chance,
So come on, Katy, drop your lute, and join us in our dance! Oh...

Chorus:
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation -
Speak your mind against them and face excommunication!
Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation!
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!


(copied from Broadcasting LIfe)

magnification

culture. that's something that i've been thinking about lately. as terrible as this might sound, and as narcissistic as you might think me: my thoughts have completely excluded other's culture. i haven't even been thinking about my culture either! but rather, if i'm 'cultured'. i feel like because i'm in college (or at least because i'm in my twenties) i need to be some sort of coffee drinking, finger snapping, poetic type who has an opinion on everything. someone who is well versed in the arts, and politics. someone whose life goal is to merely flaunt my intellectual aptitude, and do so in a creative cynical way. i don't really see myself falling into this narrow stereotype that i have somehow created. unfortunately, i do see myself becoming more like my stereotype. my likes are changing. i no longer find (much) joy in cartoons...although i do devote some of my time to PBS cartoons, but i'd rather watch that then dr. phil, or smutty soap operas. i've discovered that i like documentaries. i like sheakspeare. i'm not a fan of forced humor. saturday night live and predictable comedies just don't do anything for me. i listen to Big Band rather then punk. the jazzy/big band stylings of Nellie McKay are music to my ear. visual arts like photography and theatre are becoming more amazing with each passing day. i find a thrill in hiking through a muddy woods to snap that perfect shot. i find my opinions to be stronger than ever before. i find my cynicism level increasing. i'm finally seeing that the world is not perfect, and there is something that i can do to change it. coffee is my friend. coffee houses are my friend. i don't ever see myself truly becoming that stereotype that i have created. i don't know that public forums, where we discuss the economic status of zimbabwe, will ever peak my interest. i don't think that i'll be getting into any political debates: whether global, national, or campus wide. i can't really snap my fingers, so i know i won't fit into the "Java" house poetry scene. and i'm kind of glad. i think i like the new way that my interests are going. i don't think that i'll ever be 'cultured' according to city folk standards...but as for rural ohio--i think i have most of my compatriots beat. and i think that is ok. i think i'm finding me. finding what i like, because i like it and not because that is what the general population has deemed as enjoyable. i'm ready to be an adult. i'm 21 and for the first time in my life, i think that i'm ready to act my age. immaturity is not something that i want to strive for anymore. i don't want people to remember me as "the stinkin' college student who is loud and obnoxious and has regard for respect". i want people to look at me and think: "there's something different about that one....i wonder what it is". i've had to take a closer look at myself to see who i am, i really hope that more people will take the time to do the same thing. i'm pretty sick of people making snap judgements on me because i maybe kind of remind them of someone they once knew. i want to be new to everyone. i want people to take time to meet me. i want to do the same thing with other people. i don't always do that. i clearly have stereotypes that i think someone should fall into, but i don't want to rely on that anymore. i think tomorrow i want to meet someone new. someone i have never ever met before. and talk to them. i want to take a closer look at that person i have judged, and see them for who they really are. i think that's how real friendships happen. well, i guess this is getting really long. not that anyone will read my tiny corner of cyber space, but in the off chance that someone decided to stick through to the end of this post: Hi, I'm Jamie...and I'm going to be taking a closer look. How are you?

broke

i broke my glasses today. at first i thought it amusing, now i just think it an evil twist of fate. i found out the my eye insurance won't come into effect until january, and even then it will cost me over $150 to get a new pair. i don't think that my contacts will last me that long. to top it off i have approximately $50 in my bank account. that isn't enough for gas home and back, let alone to buy a new stock of contacts. i don't know what to do. i wish a work study job would become available on campus, and i could work here like they promised in may. dumb college. i hate the administration here. i swear they walk around all day with their heads up their butts. it drives me nutts. i think that they just like to screw with people. "let's promise them the world and instead give them purgatory!". Dumb. i have paper due at 6. it's supposed to be 5-7 pages. i haven't really started it yet. i don't want to write it. i don't like that class. i don't really like the people in the class. i don't like that i have no motivation for that class. i wish i was more excited about it. this is my minor after all! oh well, the information that i learn will be helpfull is suppose, and in three semesters i will never ever have to talk to them again, and if the ever apply to one of my camps, i just might not hire them because i don't feel like it. i used alot of comas in that sentence and i'm sure that it is driving you english freaks crazy! but that's ok because i typed it the way i thought it in my head, and that's the way i thought it, as one long, long, run on sentence that just kept going on and on, and never stopped because it was a long run on sentence and that is what run on sentences do, because it is their job or something like that, or i suppose that's what they do atleast. ok i guess that is enough for now. less talk more do. so i'm going to type my paper. then i'm going to go job hunting. i think i'll just hit up places like walmart and k-mart, i think big lots was hireing. although if i got a job at walmart i could get an employee discount or something like that, and then i could get that laptop that they had there for a really good price, and i could put it in lay away, and then i could buy it with the money that i make there and the discount that i could maybe get there and then i would keep the lap top and give my desk top to my dad, because his computer sucks and he bought my desk top anyway. and it's a good computer i like it alot, don't think that i hate you desk top because i don't i just think that a laptop would be more moble and more practicle and i would really like one. but i think that before i did that i would save money so that i could buy new glasses because i like glasses alot better because they are easier to put on and i have never quite gotten used to seeing my face without glasses on, so my self-esteem would be better if i had glasses. but i don't think that i will get big blak plastic frames this time, maybe some small metal ones. yes that sounds much better. ok so i'm done and i think i will get on line and see what kind of lap tops that walmart has instead of writting my paper that is due at 6.

Time

It's a lazy Sunday in October. But not just any day in October...the last day of October. It seems crazy to think that tomorrow is the first of November. Where did this semester go? It feels like I just moved in yesterday, like camp just finished two days ago. Like I just graduated from High School last week. Crazy how time continues on when we try everything in our power to stop it. Sometimes I think that our society is too concerned with stopping time, or even worse, turning it back. There seem to be so many opportunities to change who you are, to be a better-younger you. It's seems like craziness to me. But I guess that if I really think hard about it, I suppose that I spend a large portion of my life trying to fight time. I don't really know how I do though, I suppose mostly through denial. But maybe someday I will take a pro-active approach, and go to a Clock repair shop with a baseball bat and beat the crap out of time. Then I would be the ultimate warrior, and time would never wreck havoc on me again!....Okay so maybe what would really happen is this: I would walk into the clock shop and start whomping on those manky cuckoo clocks, until a bulbous looking store clerk came over and asked me if I would like some help. He of course would simply be running interference for the police who would storm in with their night sticks and laughing gas and hull me away to prison where I would sit and rot for fifty years. And time would stand still, and nothing would change and I would live in my cement cell until I turned 71 and died, and I would have truly conquered time. From now on you can just call me "Jamie, The ULTIMATE TIME WARRIOR!....GRRR!".

Ding Dong by Nellie McKay

my cat died and I quickly poured myself some gin
did she die from old age or was it for my sins
god I loved her oh so much
miss her little kitty touch
does she miss me does she care
oh I miss her kitty stare
do you have a little time
would you like to ease my mind
talk for hours and never stop
chop your head off
be a lighter person
brighter person nicer
but you've heard it all before

(chorus)
so ding dong
there's the doorbell hello man in white
he's gonna make you all well
getcha through the night
but hey now
you don't feel better
as you take your fresh bromide
maybe this man of letters lied

let me tell you 'bout a dream I had the other night
you were in it boy you sure gave me a super fright
I was walking down the street
downtown by the DMV
you popped out behind a door
it was odd you were on all fours
do you have some time to spare
you were barking at a bear
it said hey you'd better stop
chop your head off
be a lighter person
brighter person
nicer
but you've heard it all before

(chorus)
so ding dong
there's the doorbell
hello man in red
he's gonna make you all well
getcha into bed
but hey now
you don't feel better
as you wake and slowly rise
maybe this smooth jet-setter lied

(instrumental break)

stick around one minute more
I'm smarter than you think
do I sound like an old bore
oh man it's just the drink
I didn't always hit the gin
there were times when I fit in
they'll never know how much I tried
did I tell you my cat died
do you have a little time
would you like to feel sublime
run away and never stop
chop your head off
be a lighter person
brighter person
nicer
but you've heard it all before

(chorus)
so ding dong
there's the doorbell
hello man in black
he's gonna make you all well
there's no going back
but hey now you don't feel better
as you drift off in the tide
maybe this jack the ripper lied
and you died

i was watching tv the other day, and there was this scene where a kid was sitting out window just thinking. that's when it hit me....i don't think that i ever really think! i'm not talking about common sense kind of stuff, or learning crap....but i mean actually thinking. like sitting down and thinking through a problem, or thinking about a relationship. i think when crap happens i just sit and try to forget. i don't want to have to spend time thinking about all of the crap that goes on in my life when i have to live through it. that, and i've been told that i make a funny face when i think. people always ask me if i'm ok, hmm...more reasons not to think. Okay moving onto bigger and better things...um...ok maybe not bigger or better, just moving on. i can't believe it's friday. it feels like it should be tuesday. it's crazy how fast this week went, and i'm glad. i think i'm getting sick. this makes me very sad. i'm pretty darn tired of being sick. i had my advising meeting for classes next semester....i'll have to say i'm pretty excited about some of the classes that i get to take. outdoor recreation and campcraft...recreational sports...first aid & emergency procedures....oh the life of a rec major! i really wish that it was thanksgiving. i think i'm going to skip out on going home, and go visit my brother instead. we were going to go to chicago for the weekend, but dumb, he has to work on friday and saturday. who's going to want to go to a fancy restaurant for thanksgiving weekend? NO ONE! people want to eat pumpkin pie for thanksgiving....not french pastries! they shouldn't need the executive pastry chef that weekend. but oh well the do. guess i'll just go up there and visit him, and force him to make me amazing food!!!! ok this entry is dumb and trivial, and the most asinine thing that i have typed in a long time.

sigh.

fall is my favorite season. and i think that cold rainy days are my favorite. today was just a good day. i didn't do anything. but it was one of the best days that i have had lately. this weather is just so invigorating. there is just something about colored trees, and a crisp breeze that puts a bounce in my step. i wish that the weather would stay like this forever. even the rain is encouraging. i don't know why, but somehow....it just makes me feel....happy, good, better....content!

i wish it was magically.....

i wish that it was magically friday.....that would mean that this week would be over.
i wish that it was magically thanksgiving....that would mean that i could spend some time with cory.
i wish that it was magically december....then this semester would be over.
i wish that it was magically may....then i would be working at a camp.
i wish that it was magically december 06.....then i would be done with school.
i wish that it was magically 10 years from now....then my life would be underway, and i wouldn't have to be living in a constant state of expectation.
i wish that it was magically 2035....then i could be almost maybe close to possibly thinking about retiring...and going on a world tour.
i wish that it was magically forever....then i would be....be....be...

ugh.
i want to throw up.
i want to punch myself.
i want to be not so dumb.
i wan to go home.
i want to sleep.
i want to not be here.
i want to throw up.
ugh
i want to hit myself.
i want to run away.
i want to never be responsible again.
i want to never be irresponsible again.
i want to hit myself.
ugh
i want to disappear.
i want to hide.
i want to flee.
i want to sink in a hole.
i want to disappear
ugh