an update.

i suddenly have the need to throw up. it's not that i feel sick, i just want to throw up. i think that perhaps it has something to do with thinking. more specifically thinking about how bored and alone i am. and now i want to throw up. why is my first reaction to guilt and stress to throw up? i wonder if i'd feel better if i suddenly became bulimic. i bet that i would look better, but then my teeth would burn off and fall out because of the sudden increase of stomach acid in my mouth. so perhaps that isn't a good idea. but i still want to throw up. eww.

i hate coming to the library to get online. i just heard a three year old say butt head. it seems really sad that society is taking such an evil secular turn. i think that perhaps it's even more sad that at this moment i don't really give a crap. i still want to throw up.

i think that instead of throwing up i'm going to go home, and work on the christmas presents that i said i would make this year. i hate christmas. i hate the over commercialization; i hate the family atmosphere that it exudes; i hate that i hate it; i hate that i have to spend it with my family that no longer exists; i hate that it makes me feel guilty; i hate that there is no snow on the ground; i hate that my dad doesn't have a christmas tree; i hate that i'm completely missing out on christmas this year; i hate that i have contradicting feelings regarding christmas; i hate that all of this makes me want to throw up.

ugh. i'm bored. i think the allure of being home has completely warn off. i'm completely bored and i have realized that all of my friends in this town are either married or don't live here any more. it's hard being a single college student with almost exlcusively seriously dating or married friends. blah. growing up for me is ok, but no one else should be aloud to grow up. people should also not be aloud to talk at all in the library. especially if you are in jr high and are currently dressing like a prostitute.

i need someone to come rescue me from this town. either that or i need to throw up.