blahh!!!!!!

i want to rant, and i want to rave. but i don't think that it would do any good. because no one would listen to me anyway. and the subject of my anger is intangible, and the people representing it would just find some way to make me feel like crap. sometimes i hate going to a christian school. sometimes i just hate being a christian. sometimes i hate that i have these feelings. but i better not let anyone know this because that would just make them better than me. and it would win. and i would loose again. and i don't want to loose again. i just want to be done. and out. and it to be over with. but i know when i am done. and out. and it is over with, i will just have to contend with the same things. and the same representatives. and it will never be over. and it will always win. and i will always loose. but maybe that's what it means to be a christian. maybe that's our goal. to always win. and to always make ourselves loose. blahhhh!!!! i don't want to put up with it any more. but i will. because it will build character. and i will learn. and i'm sure that "god is just teaching me something". and that it's in god's will. but is it really in god's will for christians to represent that? is it? have they ever read the bible? have I?