FORGIVENESS....ITS AMAZING

forgiveness.....
it's amazing how..amazing it is! and how hard it is. sure we're called to do it, but how many times have i just wanted to hold onto my anger, to my self-pity, and to the identity that on some level i find in it. its crazy how easily the evil one can get a foot hold into our lives when were are too block headed to forgive. why are we like that? why do we so want to find our identity in who we hate, and what we won't forgive, when the One we are to emulate is so different from that. just think of where we would be if Christ hadn't shown forgiveness, God were to punish us of the crime that we are so guilty of. i find comfort in knowing that i am the prodigal child (well maybe not in that part but in the fact that...) and God is the father: Luke 15:20-24 " So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him ' father i have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.....[but the father said] Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found'!.....now i'm a very visual person so this is what i picture. the son....me (only i would be the daughter!) is broken, dirty, shamed, afraid, but has no were else to turn, he is coming down the road. not with the walk of one who has conquered the world...but one who has been conquered by it, his...my shoulders are drooping, my face is long. i can't look up because what i have done is so mortifying to me that i don't want too, CAN"T look anyone in the eyes. but when i do look up i see him standing there. my father, my heavenly father. with a radiance of holyness that just makes me feel all the more dirty, but also quickens my step. i see him the worry lines on his face, the bags under his eyes from nights of waiting up, probably tired..... and feeling worn, come to me. come running. RUNNING TO ME! he runs faster then i thought possible, and before i know it...he is there. holding me, kissing me, loving me. ME...the one who had abandoned him. ME...the one who has taken him forgranted. ME....the one who isn't even worthy to serve his pigs...and he loves me. "Father, Lord i'm sorry. I have failed you...i do not deserve you.....". but he looks at me and says "MY CHILD IS HOME!, the one i love, the one who was lost is found, the one who was dead, is now alive!".
Even typing this now makes me teary-eyed. Because how many times have i done that. how many times have i decided that i know what is best for me. how many times have i said 'screw it' to my heavenly father, and left. and how many times have i come crawling back on my knees, shamed and desperate. how many times has he said "MY CHILD IS HOME!". how many more times will i do this? i don't know, but i do know that each time he will take me back, and not say when will you learn your lesson, but instead "MY CHILD IS HOME!"

forgiveness.....
its amazing....its amazing how amazing it is. its amazing how when i come home, when i've learned my lesson (or maybe not!), how He will forgive. so what's my point. this is the point: the one lesson that i have had to learn, that i am still learning...is forgiveness. not that i'll be forgiven, but that i should forgive. that i need to be like my father, and just say "YOU'RE HOME! I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE HOME!". this is so hard, insanely hard, but not impossibly hard. i'm learning, i'm learning that i'm so much more peaceful and happy when i forgive them, that our relationship...although it may not be the same....its stronger. its...amazing!