i'm ready for school to start. i'm ready to be close to my friends. to study. to graduate. the boys are loud. they are laughing a lot. and now they are clapping. i sort of want to go see what it is about. but not enough to get up. it's late and i'm tired, but i don't think that i could sleep. too much to think about. this week has been crazy...not bad, just crazy.

eric and matt are coming tomorrow. i don't really know how to entertain them yet. but i'm sure that we can work something out.

now the boys are yelling...at the computer, not at each other. but if they were yelling at each other, i think that i would go watch. that would be something to see. perhaps something that i have seen before, but something none the less.

i read the news today. i haven't done that in a while. it was depressing. apparently the world keeps spinning when i'm not involved. i wish someone had told me this sooner, it might have alleviated a lot of stress.

in other news: MY FEET STINK. not a new occurrence, but strange because i have been wearing sandals all summer.

he was my pal,
he was my friend,
but now he's gone,
and that's the end!

the moral of,
this little tale,
if you see a worm,
just don't in hale!

yeah that's what you thought i would do, but i didn't and now you don't know what to think!

my hands are green and i feel like the jolly green giant.
there is a dead bug on my shirt, i'm not sure how i should feel about that.
its been such a long day, and i'm exhausted. but i don't want to go to bed.
i get to sleep in tomorrow...i'm really looking forward to that.
things are better. that's pretty amazing because i didn't realize that things were bad.
but they were. and now its better. and i know how to act. and i know how to be.
and i can be me. and talk. and not feel uncomfortable. and that's good.
it rained all day. i can't imagine what it would be like to live in a place where it rained all week.
not like normal rain, but like the down pour kind. that would be weird.
i feel pointless right now. like i'm wasting time.
and i am.
but i guess that's what i do best.
perhaps.
on to something bigger and better. i wish i knew what that was. perhaps in a year.
i've been asked that question like ten times this week. that what are you doing next year question.
i wish i knew.
it would make life so much easier. but i guess that's not really how things work.
and i guess i should just be happy that i have an idea of what i would prefer doing.
and now worry so much about the fact that i don't actually know what i'm going to do.
i've come to the realization that i can not delegate. i don't really know what that has to do with the aforementioned thought.
but there it is. out there for all of the world to see.
i can't delegate. maybe people have known this about me for sometime now. i wish i had.
i don't really like it. i think i need to work on that. hmm, that was a slight case of deja vous. odd. this is a retarded post.
i don't like it. i'm thinking about deleting it. but if i deleted it then i would want to type another one.
but it is already late. and i don't want to spend anymore time doing that if i don't have to.
i guess i could just put a warning at the top of this post. something to the effect of.
::::WARNING::::--dinosaurs will eat your face if you read this.
or
::::WARNING::::--i'm an idiot and blabber on about a bunch of crap that really serves no purpose. if i were you i would just avoid this all together.
and who knows. maybe i will title it that. but i probably won't. i'll probably name this like the pot bellied propose on wheels or something like that. cause i never title things like i should. i wish my creativity was back. too bad i guess. i guess that just means that you get all this crap instead of all the things i could be typing that would mean so much more to you. oh well.

and this is how it should be.

week 5. very nearly over.
week 6. about to begin.
weird. it seems so strange to think that this summer has reached its peak and now things are on the down swing. i don't know what to think yet. i think i need to sit and write it all down. to think, and stew, and evaluate what has happened thus far. i don't think that i can right now. not because there's no time, but because i have no mental capabilities. i have the sudden urge to write a poem. but i don't think that i will. i have tried to about 27 times in the past few weeks. but nothing has come out. my creativity is gone. my objectiveness is gone. it's all the same. never changing. i need to get some perspective. maybe i should buy a news paper...catch up with the rest of the world. I'm in yet another bubble. the kind where you are disconnected and discombobulated. the kind where everyone is always the same. where the drama never varies. where the questions and the feelings and the sarcasm and the cynicism are continuous. that's a bubble right? but if you think about it everyone lives in a bubble. nothing beyond this planet. always with the same wars, and the same fights, and the same tears, and the same blessings. so maybe being in a bubble is ok. or maybe it isn't. i have know idea what i'm typing. blabbering. blah. maybe that's always what it is though. hmm. parents are coming and i want to take a shower. i think i'm going to go do that now. i have time. why waste it here? on line? thinking? blah.