it has begun...

uh sort of. yeah sort of.
i'm here, not there.
but here.
i have nothing to say.
perhaps for the first time in my life.
sad.
don't worry.
someday i will.
someday i will rule the world.
and that will be pretty sweet.
ok maybe not.
but it could be.
just wait!

rodeo spaghetti and german potato salad

i drove down roads i new a century ago.
long and straight.
short and curvey.
i know them. i feel their curves, their bumps, their flaws.
i see me riding a raft under the road.
i see jeremy with no eye brows.
i see cory spear fishing in the field.
i hear the scream of the peacock.
the smell of the grass. of the trees. of the wheat.
so familiar. so new. so alive.
yet so different. so dead. just a memory.

and today i'll drive down roads i've never seen.
past fields i've never known.
to a place that is unfamiliar.
with people i do not know.
and i'm scared.
and excited.
and i long to feel the sun on my face, and the grass under my head.
but it will be a different sun, and different grass.
on different skin, and under a new head.
but it will be the same sun, and the same grass.
i've had this skin since i was born. this head since then.
i'm the same. just different. just changing.
i'm going to a different place that is the same.
just different. just changing.
and i'm scared.
and excited.

resistance is futile?

i have been resisting the urge to type a "well it's the end of the semester and i'm super emo and i'm like totally going to miss all of my friends and i don't know what i'm going to do for the next three months!", post. i will continue to do so.

i will also resist the urge to write about this up and coming summer. i've said enough. so you will not get any "well it the beginning of summer and i'm totally stoked cause i'm going to be working at a camp with every single one of my bestest friends for the summer!". cause that would be a lie. well maybe a half lie. i'm working at a camp. but not with my bestest friends, with a bunch of people i don't know.

i will also resist the urge to write a poem. i'm not a poet and you do not want me to write anything for you.

i'm continuing to resist the urge to take on-line quizzes and post the results. you know something that is like: "so how half human half squirrel are you?", or maybe "which ant in an ant hill are you?".

i will also resist the urge to tell you all about my friends. the "well i totally love all of my friends. so here is a twelve page list of who they are and why they are like so completely amazing. Wang-Chung: You are so cool because you make me chinese food and then throw it on me when i call it Chinese food because you are japanese. but we all know it is really the same thing", sort of post.

i'm also resisting the urge to slaughter a zombie and save the world. not because i don't want to save the world, but mostly because i don't see any zombies. and if did i still wouldn't slaughter it. not because i'm a pacifist like previously stated, but because i'd be so scared i'd probably wet myself. then the zombie would eat me. i'm ok with that though, i think i would make good zombie food.

and i'm clearly resisting the urge to pack and clean the apartment even though it is two o'clock in the morning and i am probably leaving in like less than 14 hours. "well i'm like totally in denial about moving out tomorrow."...oh wait, that's actually true. except for the "like totally" part cause i probably wouldn't say that. i'd probably say "yup, i'm gonna watch a movie." movies are good, they are my down fall. i own too many. i need a u-haul to move them. i will miss them this summer. i hope my family will appreciate them for what they are. but probably not. they'll most likely not. too bad.

bulletproof

pacifism has once again filled the cavities of my body.
my marrow has been replaced with anti-violent serum.
so fear not my little jelly bean.
i will not hurt you.
i will keep my skills at a bay.
and in the mean time will focus all of my energy on enlightenment.
enlightenment of the physical and spiritual and emitional and movie going kind.

HIYA

i am a ninja.
and bored.
a lethal combination?
yes. for any would be attackers.
i am warning you not to sneak into my apartment.
or you will lose your face.
i will use my ninja warrior skills.
and you will lose an eye.
i will use my taekwondo skills.
and you will lose a nose.
i will use my telepathic skills.
and you will burst into flames.
watch out for me today.
i am lethal.

Treetops

When I was a young girl,
Trying to find her way
Above the tree tops, the tree tops , the tree tops.
When I was a young girl,
Trying to find her way
Above the tree tops, the tree tops, the tree tops.

I did not care, I did not care,
what they called me.

I'll float above the ocean.
The sun above is burning my head,
I will grow wings and fly everywhere.

when I was a young girl,
Trying to find her way
Above the tree tops, the tree tops, the tree tops.

I did not care, I did not care
What they called me.

No, I did not care,
I should not care,
What they called me, what they called me.

I'll float above the ocean
the sun above is burning my head.
i will grow wings and fly, everywhere.

But warm clouds,
Are dripping into my mouth.
Tasting of gold and..

I'll float above the ocean,
The sun above is burning my head
I will grow wings and fly everywhere..

Whatever I Want...

i like to swear. i wish it weren't looked down on so much. is swearing like eating idol meat? cause if it is, then i can say de-f-bomb without feeling bad. but if not, well then i guess i'm just going to hell. carla just swore. and there's a man streaking on my computer screen. and i'm supposed to beat him with a bat. weird. i need to study. three finals tomorrow. it shouldn't be too bad. i should copy those notes now so i can give them back to lisa. sorry i wasted time writing this instead of copying them.

ah! THE END!

home.
i nearly had a panic attack at IGA yesterday. not sure why. there were people every where that i recognized. i hated the feeling. i hated it. i think that maybe this is a sign from God. he's saying "Jamie, Thou shall NOT live in Oak Harbor".
and i'm like "SWEET!".

bored.
i'm home and i'm bored. i'm cleaning. earning 1,500 dollars. well sort of. it's more like i'm cleaning my conscience.

happy.
and even though i'm bored, and cleaning, and wanting to die. i'm somehow at ease. especially here. at dad's house. it's so nice outside. there are birds everywhere. the windows are open. the fields are green. it smells like fresh cut grass. fresh cut grass and spring. mmm. that's the best smell. i think i could stay here forever. but only if it was always green. and always spring. and always this moment.

my blackberry.

Thursday:
Bus. Org. Written Exam
First Aid Practical
Archery Skills Test
Work

Friday:
Archery Lesson Plan Due
Archery Order Form Due
Meet with Maria to take pictures for Golf
Golf Media Project due.
Outdoor Exam
Go Home

Monday:
Volunteer at Nursing Home (5 hours)
Dress fitting in the Wayne
First Aid Papers (3)

Tuesday:
Private and Commercial Exam
Archery Skills Test
Archery Exam
First Aid Exam
Work

Wednesday:
Aging Exam
Volunteer Paper due
Outdoor Exam
Work

Thursday:
Bus. Org. Exam
First Aid Exam
Work

ugh. thrusday please come very fast.

the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe.

chrissy and i had a discussion about facial hair.
here were the results:
I like guys with well manicured beards.
Chrissy only likes certain guys with beards.
I like scruffy faces.
Chrissy only likes certain guys with scruffy faces.
I like it when a guys beard is a different color from their hair. it breaks up the monotony. and makes it funny.
Chrissy likes it when it is all the same color.
We both like well trimmed goatees.
We do not like chin pube, neck beards, moustaches, "cheek" beards. especially not brice from the library's.

cheese curdles don't come out of the cow that way.

i think i might buy a new book.
i need to get a pair of shoes for the wedding.
i'm going to upload some Ella Fitzgerald onto my MP3 player.
then i'm going to take my new book and my music to the sunken gardens.
i might go for a hike in the woods.
i could take pictures of spring plants and stuff.
first i should develop the film from when i did that in february.
yesterday i told aaron that i want to go to maine.
now i really want to go to maine.
anyone up for a road trip in august?
or ireland. i want to go there too.
too bad you can't drive there.
that would be pretty cool though.
i should invent a car that would let me drive across the ocean.
something that is hydroelectric. well maybe not electric. that could be deadly.
i had a camper one time who would spend our rest times inventing things.
she told me all about how she wants to start a colony under the water. people would live in glass houses.
but of course it couldn't really be glass because the pressure would make it shatter.
it would need to be transparent steel.
she had it all figured out.
it was pretty amazing for a 6th grader.
her name was rachel and her family was from africa.
she had some pretty cool stories. way cooler than mine and i'm 21.
that kid is going far.
i'm kind of sad that i won't get to see her this summer.
she was a blast.
i'm sad that i'm not going to get to have Allie as a camper either.
she was truly amazing.
a mini-encore. that's what she was.
one time she said she liked to go down the inflatable slide on her bosom, she meant her bottom.
it was funny.
i'm kind of sad now.
i'm going to miss those michindoh kids.
but i'm sure there are amazing pvm kids too.
that will be fun to meet them.
i'm a little sad that i won't get to spend as much time with them.
but i'm really excited to meet my counselors!
i can't wait for this semester to be over.
and the 18 to come.
and for the counselors to come.
and for the campers to come!
i love it.

helen of troy...or winnepeg?

i watched "The Saddest Music In The World" last night. it was not what i was expecting. i was expecitng moulin rouge, it was young frankenstein. only not as funny. but just as good. i like movies a lot. i'm going to go watch one about a family of midgets "Tiptoes", yes i like legless beer robber barons and midgets. i'm glad there is a market for me.