humph...

it's late.....12:42 (don't believe the clock on this site.....it's not very good!).....and i have wasted another day.....i feel like i have wasted another week.....another month......another year.....how much more of this must i put up with. sometimes i just wish i were done with all of this (don't freak that isn't some kind of cry for help)....i mean school stuff. i wish i had finished my classes, that i had a degree, that i had a job, that i were at a camp working...serving....loving...and enjoying my time. i wish i had a family, someone who could be with me....someone who chose to be here despite me. don't get me wrong i'm totally enjoying my singleness, trying to secure my identity in the Lord so that i will not attempt to secure it in a relationship or another individual when that time comes. but i just wish that it could be over. that i have already learned what i should....that i could skip over all of this drudgery and arrive at my life! not that i'm not already living my life--because i am, i just want......i just want.......humph i don't know. i guess i really just want some reassurance that i'm not wasting my day....my week.....my month....my year.....my life. whatever happened to the writing on the wall. maybe it's still there but we've just forgotten how to see it. maybe God is reaching out for me, reassuring me in every step i take, but i'm too oblivious to see it. maybe......well.....i just want.....i.......i just wish.....i weren't alone.