rambling on and on

the sci-fi channel has had a mini x-files marathon today. that means four glorious hours of mulder and scully. most of which seem to be based on religious encounters or dare i say myths. which of course means role reversal for mulder and scully, and that of course is my favorite kind of episode. perhaps this means it will be a good day at work. or maybe i'm getting the good part of the day done before i head in. that would be terrible.

i have crafts today. i think we're supposed to paint ornaments or something. but i think instead i'm going to do god's eyes. popsicle sticks and yarn in the craft cabinets means a free craft. i had a new schedule for work in my box yesterday. there was no explanation whatsoever. i'm biting my lip over it. i've encountered worked with staff who have had a difficult time adjusting to change. and i've seen people get too personally involved in their jobs. so much so that they forget who they are serving. and i've been the recipient of out-lashes regarding both of those things. and i don't want to be like that. the best interest is in mind. i need to remain calm. this will be good. i need to be patient and accepting. and slowly discuss things with my boss. i just need to sort things out. to get some answers. that's all. things will be ok. i will not become what i have not been able to handle. i will NOT initiate the situations that i have hated.

christmas is in four days. i have not done any christmas shopping. i have not thought about it at all. i don't know what to get. or even when i will have time to do so.

new years is in a week and a half. i'm still not sure what i'm doing. to pvm or not to pvm, that is the question. thoughts are floating around in my brain and i don't know how to make sense of them. i can't tell what is truth and what i've made up. i'm not sure. too many questions, and not enough answers. have i changed? or am i finally expressing myself? or am i in denial?

i love the x-files. such deep topics camouflaged in aliens and elvis impersonations. actually i'm not sure that there was an episode with elvis or not. but it sounds like something they would do. and so they should have.

how many choices could we have made, and how many lives could we have lead. so many possibilities, but only room for one ending. how do you know if you are making the right choice. not the one that everyone else is making, but the right one?

i'm questioning, everything. and i have no answers for anything.

my favorite x-files christmas episode is on later today, and i'm going to miss it. sad.