i need some pepto bismal.

i was reading through some old posts today. and now i have the desire to update. UPDATE:
I'm going to camp for a staff reunion/new years party. i'm really nervous, i'm not sure why. these are the same people that i spent two months with this summer. maybe that's why i'm nervous. my camp me is very different from my school me. but i don't want to be fake. but i'm afraid the school me will scare the crap out of these people. all of the memories i have from camp are so-so. i know i had a good time at camp, but i always seem to focus on the negative. i think that makes me nervous too. what if they focus on the negative? then everyone will see that i'm a fraud. that i have no idea what i'm doing. and they'll hate me. i think that pretty much sums up my fears. i have a returning staff application, but i don't know what to do with it. if i should fill it out or not. it makes me feel nauseous just thinking about it.ugh. they're hiring a program director. i want to be a program director. it seems like a good idea. but it also makes me uneasy. i've thought about trying for a job at a boys and girls club. i guess i'll just wait and see how things go tonight. ugh. i need to clean and pack so i can get there by 8. ugh....