pepto bismal flavored yogurt?

so this is the second time today that i have decided to type a new entry. i'm not too sure how well it will work. i'm assuming one of three things will happen. 1. i will decided i don't really want to type this entry after all and dump it. 2. someone will come in and ask me to do something. or 3. a giant raccoon will break into the staff lounge and, just as i am about to push publish, it will bite off all of my fingers. so while in a tremendous amount of pain i will press on, and attempt to publish this using my nose. however, the raccoon will know that this is my plan and he will bite off my nose. unfortunately this raccoon does not know the depth of my persistence or my the donkey's that have infiltrated my lineage. and so he will think that i will have given up because i will be missing all of my fingers and the tip of my nose...but he is SADLY mistaken. for you see i will have picked up a pencil in my mouth. And not just any old pencil but a RUMPKE pencil with bite marks in it all ready. I will push my nervousness about holding an already chewed pencil aside and i will publish this post. and you will read it and you will be in awe at the marvel that is me. and you will not know what to think, or what to do. and so you will sit and you will wail. you will tear your clothes, and rub ash on your forehead. you will ask God why this great temptation has befallen you. why such an amazing person is tempting you with idol worship. but i will come and i will tell you that i am not nearly as perfect as you think. i am flawed. very much so in fact. i know that it maybe difficult to detect at times, but it is in fact true. and you will feel comfort and you will no longer be tempted by my greatness because it is of this world, and this world is not my home.

second week of camp. and i think it is going pretty well. program stuff seems to be running a lot smoother than last week, so i guess that is an improvement. but it's hard to judge, because all that i have to compare it to is last week. and that was such a terrible week that this week couldn't possibly be any worse.

i'm tired and the last person in the lounge. i think that perhaps i should finish up the last few details of the day and make my way to the TP. actually that sounds like the most amazing thing that i have ever said. maybe my brain hasn't completely shut off for the summer after all. too bad it feels that way. i hate this post. i really want to delete it. but i won't. GARR! it is seriously driving me nuts. oh well i'm over it. ok maybe not but i will be. ok maybe not but who cares?

i need to hear some music.

such a long day. i spent five hours in my car today, driving to and from the wayne. but definitely worth it. i realized a few things today.
1. I don't understand how anyone can be brave enough to start a marriage without having christ as their cornerstone.
2. David Rice has an amazing voice.
3. I need to talk to my friends more often.
4. Indiana has some pretty terrible radio stations.
5. In terms of media (i.e. movies and music and books) i'm not sure i like what i like because i like it, or if i like what i like because people that i like like it.
6. My dad is great.
7. I miss Em
8. I'm probably not going to get to talk to Cory all summer. sad.

that's a lot to think about. or maybe nothing to think about at all. i don't really know. sometimes i think too much. and sometimes not enough. i don't even want to think about which one it is. on to other things.

drained.

i'm tired. i feel useless. underappreciated. and it's only day two. i guess that to some extent i had sort of expected this. but not really. i didn't think that it would actually be like this. hmmm. press on. keep going. its only day two of week one. its still just new. its not everyone. is it? i don't think so. tomorrow will come. and today will end. and it will be better. it has to be right? i don't feel like myself. i think i started to be me. but now i'm too afraid. too unsure. what if i'm wrong? am i a fraud? i hate this. i'm exhausted. its time for dinner. then on to another thing. and another. and another. then tomorrow. and the morning. and more feeling like crap for about four hours. i need strength Lord.