Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Panic is rising.
I feel it in my soul.
Thundering through my chest
Racing through my brain.
Hammering in my stomach.
I twitch,
I squirm.
I want to retch,
to run.
And yet I'm stuck,
in discomfort.
plodding through quicksand.
sinking lower, never moving
I don't know
how much longer can my soul stay afloat.
Do I want to stay afloat.
The crashing waves are strong, and wouldn't it be great,
just to let them topple.
to push and pound
and let them win.
But what would that do?
What would be accomplished.
Nothing I suppose,
and maybe that's the point.
Or maybe the point is to recognize defeat, and move on
To a new place
a new terrain
Where the waves don't exist.
But then there will be wind.
Buffeting
Smashing
burning.
Does it begin again
Is that what life is
A constant stream of pain and frustration
anger and revolt
Or is it something more.
something unseen
the little beauties in life
the invisible kisses of a spring flower
but how is it found?
how can one find peace the storm?
i'm so confused.
distraught.
downtrodden.
it is too trite.
what's the point?
there has to be one.
there has to be a reason,
but what is it?
I feel it in my soul.
Thundering through my chest
Racing through my brain.
Hammering in my stomach.
I twitch,
I squirm.
I want to retch,
to run.
And yet I'm stuck,
in discomfort.
plodding through quicksand.
sinking lower, never moving
I don't know
how much longer can my soul stay afloat.
Do I want to stay afloat.
The crashing waves are strong, and wouldn't it be great,
just to let them topple.
to push and pound
and let them win.
But what would that do?
What would be accomplished.
Nothing I suppose,
and maybe that's the point.
Or maybe the point is to recognize defeat, and move on
To a new place
a new terrain
Where the waves don't exist.
But then there will be wind.
Buffeting
Smashing
burning.
Does it begin again
Is that what life is
A constant stream of pain and frustration
anger and revolt
Or is it something more.
something unseen
the little beauties in life
the invisible kisses of a spring flower
but how is it found?
how can one find peace the storm?
i'm so confused.
distraught.
downtrodden.
it is too trite.
what's the point?
there has to be one.
there has to be a reason,
but what is it?
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Down the river.
Ok, so I've got a meeting on Friday with my supervisor's supervisor, who is also the HR director. I told her that I wanted to "talk about my plans for this fall". Funny thing is I don't have any plans yet. I just felt like I needed to give myself a deadline, I guess that Deadline is Friday.
I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to say.
Probably something along the lines of:
1. As you are aware, I hate my job. Most days I'd rather have my nose eaten off by a pack of wolves then come in.
2. Because of this, I'm looking for a new job. Thought it would be nice to let you know.
3. No I haven't found anything yet, but I'm 97% sure that I want a new position.
4. I will let you know definitely by the end of April.
5. Yes, I know the Economy sucks. Yes, I know the unemployment rate is increasing. Yes, it does make me nervous. That's why I'm not quitting yet.
6. If I do quite, I will stay through the summer and the end of August. If the timing works out with the new job, I will stay to help set up some of the database, and train a new person. If not, well then I'm out and you suckas can learn to swim.
7. Yes, I know. Sometimes you have the right people on the wrong seats, but at least they are on the bus.
8. Yes. I suck at this job, and you don't want me to be here anymore anyway. I promise.
Of course I plan on saying this in a professional manner that will not include wolves or sarcasim or anything.
Ugh, I hate this crap. I think I'm getting an ulcer just thinking about it.
I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to say.
Probably something along the lines of:
1. As you are aware, I hate my job. Most days I'd rather have my nose eaten off by a pack of wolves then come in.
2. Because of this, I'm looking for a new job. Thought it would be nice to let you know.
3. No I haven't found anything yet, but I'm 97% sure that I want a new position.
4. I will let you know definitely by the end of April.
5. Yes, I know the Economy sucks. Yes, I know the unemployment rate is increasing. Yes, it does make me nervous. That's why I'm not quitting yet.
6. If I do quite, I will stay through the summer and the end of August. If the timing works out with the new job, I will stay to help set up some of the database, and train a new person. If not, well then I'm out and you suckas can learn to swim.
7. Yes, I know. Sometimes you have the right people on the wrong seats, but at least they are on the bus.
8. Yes. I suck at this job, and you don't want me to be here anymore anyway. I promise.
Of course I plan on saying this in a professional manner that will not include wolves or sarcasim or anything.
Ugh, I hate this crap. I think I'm getting an ulcer just thinking about it.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Hoppipolla
I love this song. It is featured on the Slumdog Millionaire and Penelope soundtracks. If I ever get married, I want to walk down the aisle to this one.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Work is absolutely, 100% insane. I'm drowning in paper work. I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I wish I could say I was longing for the weekend, but that would be a lie. After Sunday comes Monday. Monday just means it starts all over again, and if I have to think about it I just might kill myself. I need a new job.
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