oh goodness

i discovered this post in my myspace blog. i don't remember blogging on my space. and i do not remember writing this. but i did, an di tmade me laugh, so i decided to repost it......


Oak Harbor

I'm sitting at home wating for things to happen. It is incredibly boring. I think i need to find something interesting to do for the rest of the week. Maybe I'll go exploring through the swamp lands of northwest ohio. and while i'm out on my adventure i'll find an old shack that's falling down and i'll ignore my conscience and plunge in head first. and while i'm plunging head first i'll crack my skull on something and loose consciousness. and when i come too i'll discover that a turtle-racoon hybrid has nursed me back to health. the turtle-racoon hybrid, whose name is Mr. Hollinsworth, will tell me how his parents used to vacation in the swamp lands in good old oak harbor, and one day while they were doing their dirty cross species deed, a strange looking man dressed in all yellow dumped of a barrel marked, "Hazardous Nuclear Waste Do Not Do The Dirty Cross Species Deed Within 30 Yards Of This Barrel Or You Will Create An Ungodly Spawn That Will Be Neither Turtle Nor Racoon, (That Is Of Course If You Are Turtle Or Racoon), We Mean It, DO NOT DO THE DIRTY CROSS SPECIES DEED!" unfortunatley his parents could not read and they did the dirty cross species deed, and 3 months later out came Mr. Hollinsworth. Mr Hollinsworth would of course personify a human even though the genes do not course through his blood, but it was humans who created the nuclear waste, and therefor created him, and so he would personify all things good. with and incredibly refined taste in art and music and books. And Mr. Hollinsworth would treat my near fatal head wound and spend the next three years nursing me back to health and teaching me to eat, and to speak, and to love all things art and all things art related. and then i would emerge from the Black Swamp, and people would look at me and say "Who is that person? She looks like Jamie, but she vanished three years ago! Could this be her? Did she pull a Fiona Apple? Did she disappear only to remerge stronger and better than ever? Or is she a Jewel? Did she come back to be a sell out and a horrifying girly girl? Oh no! Our puny minds that have not been raised by a turtle-racoon hybrid that was created by it's parents doing the dirty cross speicies deed within 30 yards of a barrel of nuclear waste, can not comprehend this! We will go drown ourselves in the Lake!" AND THEN I WILL RULE THE WORLD!

The moral of the story? why sit at home and be bored, when i can rule the world!

Whose heart is about to explode?
Mine is!
And why?...let me tell you.
For two very exciting reasons.

reason #1.
I got a library card today, and checked out two books. High Fidelity, by Nick Hornby. I love Nick Hornby and the movie was wonderful so I expect great things of the novel. And the second was Possible Side Effects, by Augusten Burroughs. I didn't realize that he had a new book out, so imagine my glee when I saw it sitting on the shelf in the Eaton Public Library.

Now you may be thinking..."Augusten Burroughs, that sounds familiar". Well that's because he is the author of such books as Dry, Magical Thinking, Sellovision, and Running With Scissors. That's right ladies and gentlemen, Running With Scissors. Which brings me to

reason #2.
They are making Running With Scissors into a movie. The movie is based on the book by Burroughs, which is a memoir of his life. His parents divorce when he is a boy and he is raised by his mother's psychiatrist who is, well off his rocker. The unbelievable heart wrenching and sometimes gut wrenching details in the book make it a must read. IMdb has some still shots of the movie up, which has only increased my excitement. They make me think The Royal Tennenbaums meets A series of Unfortunate Events (an R rated version of course). Oh man, I'm excited. My expectations are high, although I'm not sure how they will be able to show all of the scenes in the movie, and they will not be able to express them in the same manor that Burroughs did. Nonetheless. I'M EXCITED. The film comes out later this month. Now I just need to find someone to watch this movie with me. I have a feeling that it needs to be someone with low moral standards but incredibly high movie standards. This is no slapstick comedy here folks. AHHHH! I can't wait!

I'm also in dire anticipation of Stranger than Fiction, and Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. Again two movies that I fear will require a certain type of moviegoer. Too bad I'm not around that kind of person anymore. Perhaps I will just have to get used seeing movies by myself. It makes my heart sad and a little lonely, but that is another story.