insomnia sucks face

i want to sleep. but i can't. so here i sit; with sore eyes and a racing brain. i keeping thinking of all the things i have to do. all the things i want to do. i graduate in less than a week. and then...and then...i'd like to have an end to that thought. but i don't. maybe i will soon. maybe. but i don't want to speak out of place. and so i wait.

i had an idea earlier today. it came to me while i was showering. it would be amazingly fun. and feasible. but i don't want to say it, just in case i actually decide to do it. then it can be a surprise! oh evil scheming, how i have missed you, it has been far to long my friend!

i finished painting my room today. it only took three months. i'm pathetic. i just couldn't seem to find the motivation. but now i'm finished, and just in time for the party that i'm going to have for the jrs. it hasn't sunk in yet. the fact that my last day is friday. i know it, but it hasn't' sunk in. i don't' think the kids really realize it either. they seem to be surprised every time we mention it. it makes me teary eyed just thinking of it. Friday Kassy asked me how to do Jr. Jams. It's going to be her program after i leave. that was my program. i started it. they were my jrs. but not any more. ahhh. i wasn't expecting to become attached when i started last january. but i am. those stinking kids took my heart. and now a part of it will be with them forever. but, i think i'm going to come for whitney's reception this summer, and maybe if i time it right, i'll be able to make it to the club for the last part of the night. that would be wonderful. and Lisa and I are already planning on making a special trip to visit in September, just before I leave for the year. And you had better believe that if I end up somewhere west of here, i'm going to stop by on my way home next summer. Josh said something about making it back for March of Dimes; it could be a staff reunion day. Nicole and Sean, Lisa, Kim and Brandon, and Me, we could all come back just to walk 7 miles with a bunch of people that had a huge impact on our college careers. that sounds pretty nice.

ah enough.

look towards the future. to the next bunch of kids that are going to take my heart. to the next person who i give my heart to.
someday.