Unending Song

tonight was the fall fest/halloween party at work. it was slightly less crazy then i had expected. that was a delightful surprise. i was in charge of carving pumpkins. that means that i stood out side from roughly 6-7:30, in the freezing cold air tell kids: "_____(name)____, go back inside......i know....i call you when it's your turn.....I KNOW!....I'LL CALL YOU WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN!....___(name)____, GO BACK INSIDE!" i also mingled with parents for nearly that entire time. it put me on pins and needles. i think i quenched a few potential fires, and talked to one about swearing in front of the kids. ah.

i'm an idiot and forgot to sign up for a seminar i'm supposed to go to tomorrow. i need to go for class. it's on campus some where, but i don't know where, or when.

in other news i have a new hoodie...

kimmee and i were briefly talking about pictures and memories the other day. i find it absolutely amazing that pictures can bring on such strong feelings. both good and bad. and sometimes those feelings get stronger. admiration can grow to affection, and mild disdain can grow to hatred. why are we wired this way? it seems to make things so much more confusing. and why to the bad things seem to cloud the good? i have a picture on my desk. it's an amazing picture. every time i look at it, i smile. it's just so happy. but every time i look at it, i see something in the back ground that makes me cringe. something that i hate. it makes me want to rip it off the cork board and burn it. and at the same time it makes me want to run, to avert my eyes. i feel like a scared kid, just like i did whent he picture was taken. i think i need to grow some balls, or maybe crop the picture. but then it would loose it's integrity. i suppose it's really a snap shot from that time in my life. the good and the bad. recorded on one piece of photographic paper. developed, printed, and hung. forever capturing those feelings of love, happiness, responsibility, annoyance, anger, shame; all in one image. the perfect ambassador for that memory. and i'll keep it, and every time i see it i'll smile, and cringe, and run, and hold the fire deep inside.

i don't know what the hell that was.

we named our cat. technically it's bebe. but lately she's been going by Fucking Cat.

my favorite quote from the night...a child is kicking a pumpkin. the mother says "Stop kicking that pumpkin!", while she kicks him in the but....the mother kicked her pumpkin to encourage him to stop kicking a pumpkin. that's also dumb because she told him not to kick, then she kicked, then he turned around and started to kick me, until i gave him a "TRY IT" look. he stopped.

p.s. although the irony in that made me laugh, it sort of makes me sad too...i guess it's another one of those perfect snap shots.