tonight was the fall fest/halloween party at work. it was slightly less crazy then i had expected. that was a delightful surprise. i was in charge of carving pumpkins. that means that i stood out side from roughly 6-7:30, in the freezing cold air tell kids: "_____(name)____, go back inside......i know....i call you when it's your turn.....I KNOW!....I'LL CALL YOU WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN!....___(name)____, GO BACK INSIDE!" i also mingled with parents for nearly that entire time. it put me on pins and needles. i think i quenched a few potential fires, and talked to one about swearing in front of the kids. ah.

i'm an idiot and forgot to sign up for a seminar i'm supposed to go to tomorrow. i need to go for class. it's on campus some where, but i don't know where, or when.

in other news i have a new hoodie...

kimmee and i were briefly talking about pictures and memories the other day. i find it absolutely amazing that pictures can bring on such strong feelings. both good and bad. and sometimes those feelings get stronger. admiration can grow to affection, and mild disdain can grow to hatred. why are we wired this way? it seems to make things so much more confusing. and why to the bad things seem to cloud the good? i have a picture on my desk. it's an amazing picture. every time i look at it, i smile. it's just so happy. but every time i look at it, i see something in the back ground that makes me cringe. something that i hate. it makes me want to rip it off the cork board and burn it. and at the same time it makes me want to run, to avert my eyes. i feel like a scared kid, just like i did whent he picture was taken. i think i need to grow some balls, or maybe crop the picture. but then it would loose it's integrity. i suppose it's really a snap shot from that time in my life. the good and the bad. recorded on one piece of photographic paper. developed, printed, and hung. forever capturing those feelings of love, happiness, responsibility, annoyance, anger, shame; all in one image. the perfect ambassador for that memory. and i'll keep it, and every time i see it i'll smile, and cringe, and run, and hold the fire deep inside.

i don't know what the hell that was.

we named our cat. technically it's bebe. but lately she's been going by Fucking Cat.

my favorite quote from the night...a child is kicking a pumpkin. the mother says "Stop kicking that pumpkin!", while she kicks him in the but....the mother kicked her pumpkin to encourage him to stop kicking a pumpkin. that's also dumb because she told him not to kick, then she kicked, then he turned around and started to kick me, until i gave him a "TRY IT" look. he stopped.

p.s. although the irony in that made me laugh, it sort of makes me sad too...i guess it's another one of those perfect snap shots.

tonight was the fall fest/halloween party tonight at work. it was slightly less crazy then i had expected. that was a delightful surprise. i was in charge of carving pumpkins. that means that i stood out side from roughly 6-7:30, in the freezing cold air tell kids: "_____(name)____, go back inside......i know....i call you when it's your turn.....I KNOW!....I'LL CALL YOU WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN!....___(name)____, GO BACK INSIDE!" i also mingled with parents for nearly that entire time. it put me on pins and needles. i think i quenched a few potential fires, and talked to one about swearing in front of the kids. ah.

i'm an idiot and forgot to sign up for a seminar i'm supposed to go to tomorrow. i need to go for class. it's on campus some where, but i don't know where, or when.

in other news i have a new hoodie...

kimmee and i were briefly talking about pictures and memories the other day. i find it absolutely amazing that pictures can bring on such strong feelings. both good and bad. and sometimes those feelings get stronger. admiration can grow to affection, and mild disdain can grow to hatred. why are we wired this way? it seems to make things so much more confusing. and why to the bad things seem to cloud the good? i have a picture on my desk. it's an amazing picture. every time i look at it, i smile. it's just so happy. but every time i look at it, i see something in the back ground that makes me cringe. something that i hate. it makes me want to rip it off the cork board and burn it. and at the same time it makes me want to run, to avert my eyes. i feel like a scared kid, just like i did whent he picture was taken. i think i need to grow some balls, or maybe crop the picture. but then it would loose it's integrity. i suppose it's really a snap shot from that time in my life. the good and the bad. recorded on one piece of photographic paper. developed, printed, and hung. forever capturing those feelings of love, happiness, responsibility, annoyance, anger, shame; all in one image. the perfect ambassador for that memory. and i'll keep it, and every time i see it i'll smile, and cringe, and run, and hold the fire deep inside.

i don't know what the hell that was.

we named our cat. technically it's bebe. but lately she's been going by Fucking Cat.

my favorite quote from the night...a child is kicking a pumpkin. the mother says "Stop kicking that pumpkin!", while she kicks him in the butt....the mother kicked her pumpkin to encourage him to stop kicking a pumpkin. that's also dumb because she told him not to kick, then she kicked, then he turned around and started to kick me, until i gave him a "TRY IT" look. he stopped.

p.s. although the irony in that made me laugh, it sort of makes me sad too...i guess it's another one of those perfect snap shots.

i think i have a.d.d....

tonight was the fall fest/halloween party tonight at work. it was slightly less crazy then i had expected. that was a delightful surprise. i was in charge of carving pumpkins. that means that i stood out side from roughly 6-7:30, in the freezing cold air tell kids: "_____(name)____, go back inside......i know....i call you when it's your turn.....I KNOW!....I'LL CALL YOU WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN!....___(name)____, GO BACK INSIDE!" i also mingled with parents for nearly that entire time. it put me on pins and needles. i think i quenched a few potential fires, and talked to one about swearing in front of the kids. ah.

i'm an idiot and forgot to sign up for a seminar i'm supposed to go to tomorrow. i need to go for class. it's on campus some where, but i don't know where, or when.

in other news i have a new hoodie...

kimmee and i were briefly talking about pictures and memories the other day. i find it absolutely amazing that pictures can bring on such strong feelings. both good and bad. and sometimes those feelings get stronger. admiration can grow to affection, and mild disdain can grow to hatred. why are we wired this way? it seems to make things so much more confusing. and why to the bad things seem to cloud the good? i have a picture on my desk. it's an amazing picture. every time i look at it, i smile. it's just so happy. but every time i look at it, i see something in the back ground that makes me cringe. something that i hate. it makes me want to rip it off the cork board and burn it. and at the same time it makes me want to run, to avert my eyes. i feel like a scared kid, just like i did whent he picture was taken. i think i need to grow some balls, or maybe crop the picture. but then it would loose it's integrity. i suppose it's really a snap shot from that time in my life. the good and the bad. recorded on one piece of photographic paper. developed, printed, and hung. forever capturing those feelings of love, happiness, responsibility, annoyance, anger, shame; all in one image. the perfect ambassador for that memory. and i'll keep it, and every time i see it i'll smile, and cringe, and run, and hold the fire deep inside.

i don't know what the hell that was.

we named our cat. technically it's bebe. but lately she's been going by Fucking Cat.

my favorite quote from the night...a child is kicking a pumpkin. the mother says "Stop kicking that pumpkin!", while she kicks him in the but....the mother kicked her pumpkin to encourage him to stop kicking a pumpkin. that's also dumb because she told him not to kick, then she kicked, then he turned around and started to kick me, until i gave him a "TRY IT" look. he stopped.

p.s. although the irony in that made me laugh, it sort of makes me sad too...i guess it's another one of those perfect snap shots.

hmmmm

and the possiblities are endless...

a day in review.

fall break was amazing.
i have stories.
one real,
one i'm going to make up.
em's coming to today!
YaY!
Excited about that.
i don't have time for this right now.
too much to do.
one last thing:
WELCOME ISABEL MARIA CASTRO!

the end.

cyn city

i'm sitting in the "dining room" of my brother and his girlfriend's apartment. lisa and carrie are both crashed on the couch. its five o'clock (approximately 7 indiana and 8 ohio time). and here i am, in vegas.

ridiculously long trip. our flight from denver to vegas was cancelled. we were wait-listed, and rolled onto another flight. that flight was over-booked, so we were rolled again. and this time we made it. the plane was full, we didn't sit together, but ended up in vegas. with 100 dollars in gift certificates, a new duffel bag, and a ripped one. all curtsey of united airlines.

so here i sit. drowsy. full. excited. and needing to write a paper that was due today.

today i realized that it is possible to sit in a room with thousands of people passing by, and ignore every single one of them. i realized that i can sit on a plane, between two strangers for an hour and a half, and feel no remorse about not talking to them. i realized that i'm longing to read, and bitterly disappointed with my literary selection for the weekend. yet, i'm delighted to discover that the dollar tree offers a fascinating selection of books,if one is willing to dig a little.

i want to go swimming but, lisa and mary are sleeping. too bad. i really like this little apartment. it has a lot of charm. i hope that in a year i'm living in a place like this, with a job, and...who knows what else.

p.s. carla...i would love to go to chicago with you, and i would love it if you brought your baby. however, lets admit it, i'm pragmatic. and the truth is that will most likely never happen. not because we don't want it too, but because logistically it wouldn't work. because, well you're at a different stage in your life. frankly, you have a life. which is a drastic difference. however, the lack of mine allows me to do things like spontaneous trips to chicago. but perhaps some time i will kidnap you and take you to angola. you know i've heard it's the chicago of indiana. no it's not, i made that up. but if we believe it, anything is possible. no, that's a lie too. want to here a truth?...

osmoetic, like poetic osmosis.

off to chicago for the night. then vegas for the weekend. then chicago for a few hours...maybe the night. then back to school for classes bright and early on wednesday. i wish we could stay in chicago a little longer. i love that place. but vegas will be equally amazing. maybe more so. i'm excited to see cory. i have seen him since easter. far too long. and a weekend away will be...well quite frankly freaking amazing. money...that could be interesting. things are going to have to stretch and i'm going to have to budget. but at least we don't have to get a hotel, or maybe a car. so that'll be nice. and maybe a free desert or meal or something from okada. that would be sweet. i'll have to see what cory can do. speaking of which, i need to get hold of him. it would be nice to know how in the heck we're getting picked up from the airport. yeah...that'd be nice. i suck at the details. i'm too fly by the seat of my pants. or an air bus, but whatever. i just realized that it sounds like i'm being hard on myself. i'm not though. i was trying to be funny. because we're taking an air bus. this post sucks. carla i hope you're happy that i updated. i don't fell like doing it much. i don't have much to say. i'm busy and boring. i want to go to chicago. any takers? not this weekend, for obvious reasons. but maybe another. not next, because em's coming up. that'll be fun. i need to call her. perhaps the weekend after or before thanksgiving. i want to go there now. someone come with me. ok this is a pathetic post. i'm thinking about not posting it. blah. i need more creativity. i need to be around crazy creative people. people who have creativity seeping from their pores. then maybe i can become creative through osmosis. it's true. i've seen it happen before. i'm done.

you said what?!

kross2444: You know it is hard to get here when you stay on the computer
jmebarrett: didn't i tell you? i've been cloned
kross2444: ohhhh ok
jmebarrett: and i think i should tell you...the other me...the new me....is evil, and she's planning on standing you up
kross2444: damn her
jmebarrett: i know what a bitch
kross2444: whore i would say

Lars

davis hall last night. there was a richard simmons workout video act. richard simmons wore short white shorts, a black wife beater, and a dark fro wig. i almost wet myself. i think carla and aaron thought i was slightly insane. (i really want a picture. i need a picture. i must have one.) it made me wish someone from camp was there with me. it was really quite amazing. it even topped the old canadian lars. now i'm reminiscing. i wish the staff reunion hadn't been cancelled. alright. back to reality.

i feel like a pianist in a grand hall.
placing my fingers on the keys,
they fly and press and know what they are doing
they're confident, and persistent, and nearly prideful.
i flex and move and perform
giving the concert of my life.
yet i'm intimidated and unsure.
not knowing what will happen.
what the review will be
if it will be pleasing.
but i don't care.
i'm an artist, a musician, me.
so i do it for me.
not for reviews.
not for others.
for me.